


The Voice of the Lion Was Heard in the Land

by A_N_D



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Happy Ending, Homophobia, M/M, Mutual Pining, References to Depression, Voice Acting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:28:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25962121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_N_D/pseuds/A_N_D
Summary: Everyone said that working on the "Leo and Friends" cartoon was like heaven, it was so much fun… until a homophobic campaign attacks Tony Crowley (voice of Simon the Snake) and he is cast out.As paradise crumbles, Az Fell is faced with a dilemma – can he save both Tony and Leo? Or is he going to have to choose between his heavenly job and the man he loves?Inspiration: Tweet by goddessinsepia about a cartoon lionPlot bunny from: noadventureshereBeta readers: goddessinsepia, lutheUpdates every SundayDo not copy to another site
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 168
Kudos: 167





	1. In the Beginning

Everyone said that working on _Leo and Friends_ was like heaven, it was so much fun – and there were a lot of everyones to say it. The cartoon was syndicated in over 100 countries and dubbed in almost as many languages, its simple lessons of friendship, cooperation, forgiveness, and love fitting beautifully into a wide variety of cultures, winning it millions of fans from all over the world.

All of its many, many fans could quote its signature lines and sing its theme song and name their favorite episodes, but few of them knew much about the humans behind the show.

But then, to be fair, most of the fans of Leo and Friends were about 6 years old. And since we are talking about young children, I will begin telling this story in proper style:

_Once upon a time, there was a man named Arthur, and he had a young son._

-

Arthur Young believed that children, like chickens, should be raised free range: outdoors with their companions all day instead of inside staring at monitors and televisions and game screens. His little boy Adam thrived with the same sort of hands-off, semi-neglectful parenting that had been standard when Arthur was a child, when children were turfed out of the house early in the morning and allowed to roam all day, only showing up for meals. (This was safer than it sounds: Lower Tadfield was small enough that no matter where the children went, they would be under the eyes of someone who knew them and their parents.)

Also, Adam was a sensible child. Yes, he got into scrapes and yes, he led his friends into adventures that sometimes went wrong, but on the whole he was a sensible child with sensible friends who wasn't going to get himself or them into trouble.

…well, not _too_ much trouble.

However Adam (also like chickens) balked at running around in the rain. Then and only then would Arthur relent and allow Adam to spend most of his time watching TV… or he did until one particularly wet summer taught Arthur just how many cartoons were really just extended-length adverts for candy, candy masquerading as cereal, and toys.

Horrified at the thought that Adam would be taught to replace his woodland hideaway and little gang for junk, plastic tat, and flickering screens, inspired by the example set by Winnie the Pooh, Arthur turned off the TV and started entertaining his child by spinning stories based on the things Adam saw in his daily life. The cheerful drawing of a lion wearing a waistcoat and bow tie on his shower curtain. The dancing zebra on the same curtain. His stuffed rabbit and hedgehog. The garter snake Adam saw once in a show about an exotic pet store. (He'd asked – begged, really – but his mother strictly said no.)

Arthur was no Milne, but Adam listened politely, happy to have his father's undivided attention. Adam's friends listened even more eagerly, when the rain was finally over and Adam passed the stories on – suitably revised to include fewer moral lessons and more pirates, detectives, thrilling chases, and swordfights.

When Arthur found out about the new versions he happily ceded the storytelling over; asking his son to tell _him_ new stories about Leo and his friends during the next storm. Arthur would never be an effusive father, but he made sure that his son knew he appreciated Adam's inventiveness.

-

Imagine a shower curtain covered in cartoon animals getting faded, dingy, disappearing. Imagine much shabbier stuffed toys packed into a box, shoved under the bed, forgotten. Imagine crayon drawings replaced with posters of planets and stars. Imagine many books on reptile care – but don't imagine a snake in a tank because some things, such as Deirdre Young's opinion on scaly things in the house, will never change no matter how much time passes.

But still, when thunder shook the house and rain coated the windows so thickly nothing could be seen, Arthur would lean back in his chair, put down his newspaper, and ask, "Adam, has Leo been up to anything interesting lately?"

-

Adam loved his little village, but it was far too little for the scope of his dreams and ambitions. One day he had to leave it, as did his friends, each to chase the future they wanted.

But after they had graduated university, Adam assembled them all again. They were all finding it a hard go to make it in the professional world as recent graduates. Without much practical experience they were stuck in fairly dead-end, boring jobs. So Adam - who always had the best ideas - offered them one more.

What if they brought a few of those old Leo stories to life? They would animate a handful, put them on the internet, and cite the experience as part of their resumes. Adam – always the best storyteller among them – would write the scripts. Pepper, a talented artist, would do the animation. Brian would handle the technology side, and Wensleydale would cover marketing.

They had everything they needed… they thought.

-

"I’m not animating that," Pepper said firmly. "That needs to be destroyed and never spoken of again."

Brian had his head in his hands. "Anyone who heard that wouldn't just not hire us, they'd blacklist us," floated through his fingers.

"I know, I know," Adam said frantically. "All right, so we sound terrible doing the voices ourselves. But we can't hire real actors for all these characters. It would cost pots and pots of money."

"Not necessarily." Wensleydale adjusted his glasses, punching numbers into the calculator on his phone. "If we can get one or two actors willing to work for scale doing all the voices and we record multiple scripts in a single session, we could do it for…" He turned the calculator to Adam, then around the table to the others.

"That's still more than we can afford!" Pepper objected. "It took every spare pound we had to rent the recording studio just for us!"

"I wonder…" Adam got that faraway look, the one that his friends had long since associated with mad ideas and leaps of faith that always seemed to work out. "If we got a producer they'd pay for it. That's what producers do."

"Who'd be willing to give money to us?" Brian asked.

Adam ignored him, dialing his phone. "Dad? Dad, I've a question for you…"

-

Tony Crowley sauntered into the tiny studio, sunglasses firmly fixed to his face. He needed this work, so he didn't need his new employers to know he was hung over from his disc jockey job the night before. Working _The Green Carnation_ kept his rent paid, but acting was what he enjoyed and this project looked like something that would make for a good sample reel – lots of different voices and the two scripts hadn't been utter shit.

Not that anyone whose last voiceover job had been huskily whispering about "lusciously lush lathering" shampoo was allowed to have standards at all, much less high ones.

The only other man in the room was a portly blonde, all shabby, antiquated clothing and palpable anxiety. There was something familiar about him, but his rumpled, nervous state made Tony abruptly stop thinking about script quality and start worrying if the check would clear. Nevertheless, it was important for Tony to be professional, so…

With a steadying breath, Tony held out his hand to his employer. "Nice to meet you."

"Hello!" the other fellow chirped, offering his hand to shake. His palms were slightly wet and he clung a little too long. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Young," he said formally.

Tony blinked behind his glasses. "I'm not Mr. Young, you are," he said blankly, then instantly wanted to kick himself. Or kill himself. Or at least drink a pot of coffee before he tried talking coherently.

The other man laughed nervously. "No, I'm Mr. Fell. Az Fell." The name meant nothing, although the voice intensified Tony's maddening sense of _I know you, why do I know you?_

At Tony's blank stare, the stranger added, "Your voice actor?"

Oh great. A rival. "I'm the voice actor," Tony said, trying to split the difference between questioning and accusatory, watching his hopes of laying a little extra money aside this month vanish. Just what he needed, to get excited for a job and discover it was just an audition.

"Oh, good, you're both here," a new voice broke in.

Tony turned, blinked, and blinked again. On the second blink he realized he wasn't seeing double. Oh, obviously the two were related; he'd never seen such a strong family resemblance. But no, he was not _that_ hung over, and that was important if he was going to pass this audition.

As he shook himself out of his momentary disorientation, he heard Az speaking.

"… don't need both of us, surely, I understand, thank you for the opportunity and keep me in mind if…"

This Az guy, this rival, was just giving the job away? Just up and protecting _him?_ Judging by the state of his worn, if cared for clothing, this other guy needed work as badly as Tony did. Possibly more.

The new two men – surely one of them must be Arthur Young – were shaking their heads.

"Oh, no," the younger Young assured Az. "We absolutely need you. From the moment I heard your voice in those tea adverts I knew you were our one and only Leo. I'm so glad we were able to get you."

_That's why he's familiar!_

The advertising campaign had ended a couple of years ago, but it had been famous enough to make Twilliker's Teas a roaring success. The adverts might have ostensibly been about how posh the tea was, but what they were really _about_ was a slow-burn soap opera of two people falling in love. Nobody cared that the stuff tasted like bog-standard black tea; the whole country had been on edge wondering if the main characters were ever going to get together through misunderstandings, romantic rivals, and even more romantic dates.

The campaign ended on Valentine's day with a searingly passionate kiss… the actors only belatedly holding a tin of Twilliker's between them and the camera.

Az was palpably relieved. "Oh, I'm available!"

 _Are you though?_ Tony thought. _Are you really available? I bet you're straight._ (It had been a _very_ passionate kiss.) He wondered why that thought made him feel so sad.

Az was continuing, "You'd be surprised how many people won't even consider me after that series. I thought I'd be The Tea Guy for the rest of my life and royalties don't last forever."

The older Young laughed. "Well, I doubt this will last long enough for you to get typecast here! I keep telling my son Adam here not to be too upset if his cartoon only gets a few viewers and disappears. They're mostly doing it for the experience."

"You never know," Adam said with a glint in his eye. "It may become world famous and run for a million years."

"If it's going to run for a million years, neither one of us will be around to see it," his father replied unperturbed. "Leo is the only part we've actually cast. We thought we'd have a little reading and see what clicks, with the intent of splitting the rest of the voices between you."

The Youngs turned to Tony. "Do you think you can do some animals?" Adam asked. "Your website didn't have any animal samples."

"Yessss, of coursssse," Tony slurred, his hungover brain still full of Twillikers and an unshakeable fantasy of Az sprawled on his bed. For a terrible moment he thought he'd failed right there, but the two Youngs smiled broadly.

"Simon the snake! That was a perfect Simon the Snake!" Adam shouted.

"Ssssso glad you think ssssso," Tony said, this time on purpose. When in doubt, claim you did it on purpose and take the credit; that was Tony's motto.

-

It was a mad idea. A bunch of older teenagers and a retired office worker creating a cartoon based on ridiculous stories about a shower curtain, some plushies, and a reptile? Doomed. Utterly doomed. It would launch on YouTube, get about 10 views, and die by episode three. Everyone, including half its creators, thought so.

So did Tony and Az, who got sorted into their various characters, did a quick read-through, then pounded through both scripts in a single recording session. Everyone shook hands all around and the voice actors wandered back into their lives, assuming that they'd never see each other or Adam's Animals Production ever again.

-

A month later, just when Tony was trying to figure out how to pay his latest traffic ticket and Az was despairing over getting a stain on his only jacket, another two scripts and a contract dropped into their email.


	2. Working, Relationships, and Working Relationships

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At every recording of this on-and-off job, Az remained flustered by his gorgeous, unattainable co-star.

Tony had forgotten how adorable Az was – the more so because this time neither one of them was worrying about being not being hired. Apparently the boy wiz handling the cartoon's marketing had run a Kickstarter for Adam's Animals to build their own little in-house recording studio as well as raise the acting pay a fractional amount. (Supporters were to get a DVD of the first six episodes and, if they'd paid enough, their names in the credits.)

Nevertheless, there was no reason for Tony to believe that Az, adorable or not, wasn't straight…

…until the time Tony overheard that fateful conversation.

Tony was innocently strolling down to the lavatory when he heard Az's voice saying gently, "There's nothing wrong with being attracted to both men and women."

"But church…" It sounded like Brian.

"Find a new church." This was firm. "Male and female he created them – that's right at the beginning of the Bible. We are all created in God's image and God said that we are to love one another."

"That's easy for you to say."

"Is it? I have felt the way you do from before it was safe for me to say so. Before it was legal for me to say so. There are still people who would tell us that bisexuals don't belong in a Pride parade. But we're here, son. We've always been here, and I'll always be willing to help you navigate this."

They moved off, but Tony was frozen (at least until his bladder pointed out that he had business to attend to.) _He's bi! He's beautiful and he's bi! I have a chance!_

From that moment forward, through the episodes – and the next two, and the two after that, Tony put himself on display. He had no idea when the Kickstarter money or Arthur Young's patience would run out, so he threw himself into a frantic, silent seduction at every opportunity. He accidentally-on-purpose dropped Green Carnation merch everywhere, casually mentioned that it was London's biggest gay nightclub until Pepper rolled her eyes every time he opened his mouth, leaned in close while they ran through scripts, drank his coffee in a ridiculous manner to show off his biteable neck, and generally lounged in every position he could manage. _Look at me! I am very fit, very flexible, and very, very gay!_

Az remained very, very, _very_ oblivious.

Eventually Tony got more personal to try to draw him out. "So, what's Az short for anyway?"

"Azira."

"Really? Someone misspell Ezra? Like Oprah or something?"

Azira blushed, something he was doing more and more around Tony, becoming more and more adorable every time. "Oh, it's one of those made-up names. My grandparents apparently fought over who I should be named after, so my mother mashed up syllables from everyone."

"Ouch."

"Oh, it's not too bad once you get used to it. At least I knew I'd never have to change my name to be listed with the Guild!" Az's smile was real, warm, and amused.

At the sight, Tony tumbled out of lust and fell irretrievably into love.

-

At every recording of this on-and-off job, Az remained flustered by his gorgeous, unattainable co-star. He resigned himself to table readings full of longing glances and furtive touches – leaning into one another to point out a word read wrong in the script, fingers lingering when handing over cups of tea. Az had never been that fond of rehearsals before, but now he eagerly seized the chance to be close to the maddening, tempting Tony. If he didn't know better, he'd swear that Tony was flirting with him – as if an edgy, effortlessly cool twink would seriously deign to be interested in a fat, frumpy duffer like him.

 _He spends every night in that club surrounded by hot, fun, well-off men on the pull – and you, my dear, are too portly to be hot, too fussy to be fun, and too poor to be a sugar daddy. He's like this to you because he's like this to everyone,_ Az sternly reminded himself every hour on the hour (twice whenever Tony touched him).

Or at least he was probably like that to every actor. Tony hadn't tried one on any of the other staff of Adam's Animals – quite right, too, most of them were young enough to be his children, and Mr. Young was practically a caricature of the straight British family man. But with no other colleagues around, it was Az that Tony kept leaning against, tried to play footsie with underneath the rehearsal table, blowing in his ear whenever Az was doing a monologue.

But it obviously wasn't _flirting_. Nobody – well, nobody male – flirted with The Tea Guy, and his previous pool of ladies of a certain age had stopped doing it when the royalties ran out and his clothes got shabby.

No, with Tony it was just a laugh, just a prank like the time Tony swapped things around on the tea tray and got Arthur to salt his tea, or when he snuck off to the lavatory to inhale a helium balloon right before a table read. Tony was full of pranks and tricks and what he did with character voices was just _amazing_ , Az wanted to get him laid out on a bed sometime and play him like an instrument to see just how many different noises he could make…

The toe of a snakeskin boot bumped against his ankle oh, so gently, trying to hook under his trouser leg, jarring Az back to the reality of today's table reading and the colorful script in front of him. Tony just scribbled notes in the margins of his script with whatever biro he picked up; Az found it easier to keep his many characters straight with color coding and meticulous reminders. Nobody actually _said_ anything when he started out rehearsals by laying out all his highlighters and colored pencils, and Tony had been magnificent about swapping script pages before Az even started fussing if he accidentally used the wrong color.

But it was… well… it was the kind of caution that irritated quick-minded, casual, clever people. People like Tony. Az knew he was foolish. And prim. And meticulous. And introverted. And hopelessly in lust with Tony, who could not possibly be serious about all this flirtation.

Despite the feel of snakeskin brushing softly up his calf.

Az's next line came out in a squeak; he cleared his throat and tried again as Tony silently laughed into his script. As if a script meant much in his hands; Tony was an inveterate ad-libber. What he said only vaguely corresponded to the words Az was reading along with, but Adam Young didn't seem to mind.

Az settled his shoulders. _It's just a prank, it's just a prank…_ He prided himself on never breaking character and never going off script. The maddening Tony got him to do the former all too often, making Az all the more determined to never do the latter.

They had returned to a storyline that they had done a couple of times before – Simon the Snake had a “perfect plan” that wasn't, leaving Leo to rally the rest of the animal friends to clean up the mess. Az was watching Tony closely in the hopes of having the faintest clue when it was going to be his turn to speak without stepping on whatever lines he was improvising.

The _script_ said "Ssso then we'll get all the juicy apples out of Mr. Collins' trees!"

 _Tony_ said "Ssso then we'll all get hookers and blow!" and grinned impishly at him.

Az couldn't help it; he burst into warm laughter. "Don't be foolish, dear boy," he chided gently, ad-libbing for the first time in his cautious, proper life.

Both actors were startled to hear cheers and applause. Adam, who attended every reading, sat back with a smile. "That was perfect!"

"Really?" Tony said, surprised. "I don't think the kiddies…"

"Not you, him. I loved that. It was perfect. That! Was! Leo! I'm going to write that line into this one, and I want you to record it a few times before you leave tonight; Az, we may backfill some of the other episodes before they go out."

"Well, that's not what I planned," Tony said bemusedly – and jumped when there was another round of applause.

-

Everyone who has written a story knows how the pacing goes. The tension builds and builds and builds until it is finally relieved in a big, cathartic explosion. The person in peril is saved. The hero and villain have a huge fight.

The unspoken attraction is finally expressed.

-

Sounds were Brian's job; he mixed what he could out of free online sound libraries or bought whatever he could get past Wensleydale's parsimonious approval. Anything else was created in-house by Az and Tony, who gamely roared, hissed, barked, growled, hooted, snarled, grunted, whistled, clinked cutlery, noisily drank, loudly chewed, and anything else necessary.

These measures worked right up until the need for "impact sound of a surprised snake falling out of a tree but not getting too hurt because this is a children's show."

Tony was trying his best. He made all the different "oof" and "whoops" and "uh-oh" noises he could wring out of his throat while Brian threw a weight against pillows, but none of it was working.

"It needs something and I don't know what. What does it need?" Adam asked the universe, as frustrated as the rest of them.

"I think I know." Az had been quiet up until now, and Tony gave him a sideways glance of suspicion. Az didn't often offer advice, preferring to passively (if meticulously) carry out any orders he was given. This was not a problem that could be fixed by pretending he was a pineapple, or highlighting his lines in blue, or whatever basic acting school advice Tony was sure was going to come.

Az stood up. "May I get a little physical with you, dear boy?"

"Whatever," Tony muttered, internally cursing the luck of finally getting his fondest fantasy on a day he was too tired and limp to enjoy anything.

Az rolled up his sleeves. "It's not working because there's no sense of actual impact." Az turned back to Tony. "May I demonstrate? I'll try not to hurt you."

Tony, staring in hopeless, exhausted lust at the rare sight of a bare forearm, nodded.

Az balled his fists into Tony's jacket, yanking him up on his toes, and suddenly one specific part of Tony was not feeling limp at _all_.

"Roll Tape!" Tony was being pushed hard backwards, wait, what was behind him, oh, yes, the wa-

"HNG!"

"Are you okay? I didn't hurt you?" Az whispered, still holding up the winded Tony, who could only stare at him through wide, dilated eyes before belatedly remembering how to move his head up and down in a nod.

"Perfect! One more take!" Brian ordered.

"Up to it, dear boy?"

Tony.exe had crashed; it was his fantasies, not his higher faculties, that said "Yeah, sure, whatever you want."

Az hauled him off the wall effortlessly. Tony watched in fascination as unexpected muscles bunched under Az's comfortably padded form. Suddenly he was hiked even higher, completely off his feet. Tony just had time to think _Oh, hello new kink I didn't know I ha-_

"NGK!"

"Again?"

"Ye - GAK!"

Tony was aching by the third he was hauled off the wall – his ribs, dimly; his dick, mainly. Somewhere he heard Brian asking for one more take and all Tony could do, as he involuntarily nodded and felt his feet leave the floor again, was pray that he wouldn't come in his pants.

"HRK!"

Az really put his back into it this time; following so close that their noses bounced off each other as Tony was abruptly stopped by the architecture. Az was still close, leaning into him, asking if he was okay and…

Oh. _OH!_

Punters had ground on Tony often enough at the club for him to recognize that Az – or at least a vital part of him – was enjoying this very much indeed. And if he could feel Az, then Az could feel –

Az's pupils blew wide.

They stared at each other, frozen in shock and recognition. Then, just as Tony was wondering if he dared start grinding his costar in front of the bosses, Pepper's sarcastic voice broke through.

"Just _KISS_ already and get it over with!"

"Oh!" Az dropped Tony, whose knees weren't working properly. "I'm being _so_ unprofessional! I'm so sorry!" he burbled as he backed away.

"Nga…" Tony reached out, not caring who saw this. He got his own double-fistful of Az's shirt, and just as Az was about to start fretting, Tony stopped his mouth.

With Tony's mouth.

After a frozen moment the kiss was everything Tony had fantasized about – and more.

Eventually they came up for air, panting frantically, Tony's hands still bunched in an uncomplaining Az's shirt. Pepper snorted and rolled her eyes. Adam smiled. Brian gave them a thumbs up.

"She's right, we're stupid idiots," Tony gasped between breaths, ignoring Pepper's snort. "We're utter morons who've taken too long to ask the really important question."

"What, 'are you gay'? Or do you mean 'Do you fancy me'?"

"Your place or mine?"

-

A few weeks later it was an irrelevant question because they'd moved in together.


	3. The Population of Paradise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Az knew intellectually that the shift meant a bigger cast. Emotionally, though, his heart stuttered in sudden fear when he and Tony arrived for their first table read

The people who predicted that _Leo and Friends_ wouldn't last long on the internet were, in a way, correct. At the end of the year, just as the second set of Kickstarted episodes were mailed out on DVD, the cartoon was taken offline with some episodes unaired.

Because CBeebies had bought it.

What had been surprisingly popular before exploded with the power of the BBC backing it. More support staff. More money. More animators. 

More voice actors.

-

Az knew intellectually that the shift to the BBC meant a bigger cast. Pepper had been pressuring Adam to bring on at least one woman for some time, insisting that using Tony – who had been willing and able to voice a convincing girl – would just be "perpetuating the patriarchal usurpation of women's voices." 

Emotionally, though, his heart stuttered in sudden fear when he and Tony arrived for their first CBeebies table read. There were so _many_ people around that table – most of them men, probably cheaper than the raised salaries Az's and Tony's agents had negotiated. He knew his agent Sandy had asked for too much. They were going to get fired. They had _already been_ fired. They had been replaced. The BBC wanted a fresh start. The BBC didn't want Tea Guy making everyone think of Twillikers every time Leo spoke.

Tony took his hand and squeezed it comfortingly, directing him to the two empty chairs across from Adam. Az sat, plastering on a nervous smile that probably wasn't fooling anyone, and laid out his probably unnecessary array of highlighters and pens, waiting. Tony dropped casually into his seat, leaning to put his arm on the back of Az's chair, warm and solid and reassuring.

"We've got a lot of new people and a lot of changes, so let me do the introductions," Adam said. He started to his left. "Everyone, this is Tracy Potts. She's going to be Chandra the Cheetah and Harriet the Hedgehog."

Tracy was an older woman with the "don't I know you from somewhere?" face of an actress who'd been in the background of everything and the sharp, wary air of someone who'd had to scrap hard for work after she aged out of ingénue roles. Az had expected her and her casting - Pepper and Adam had made it clear that they were going to change the genders of Harry the Hedgehog (voiced by Az) and Charles the Cheetah (voiced by Tony) immediately.

Next to her was an older man, introduced as Lance C. Shadwell, a grizzled actor saved from being a has-been only due to never really having "been," and that's where the trouble began. "He's going to be Zachary the Zebra," Adam said, and a roaring started in Az's ears.

_I'm Zach Zebra! That's MY role!_

Worse, Adam was continuing "…and Malcom the Meerkat."

 _I'm… I’m Malcom too!_ Sheer politeness allowed Az to give his usurper a tight smile and nod of recognition, which was met with a short answering nod. Shadwell looked shabby, shrewd, and a few other things starting with sh, including that state of inebriation Tony called "just short of schnockered."

Tony's thumb started rubbing consolingly against Az's back, not stopping even when the next actor, a young man with the improbable name Newton Pulsifer, got Tony's Everett the Elephant and Gerard the Giraffe.

"That's it for the main cast," Adam said. "For our guest stars we have…" but Az let those names and characters roll over him as he marginally relaxed. He was still Leo. Tony was still Simon. As long as they had those roles and each other, everything was going to be just fine.

Finally the introductions wound to them. "That's Tony Crowley behind the shades," Adam said.

"Hey, everyone," Tony said with an offhand wave.

"He's Horace the Hornbill, but more importantly, he's our co-lead, Simon the Snake." Tony sat up straight, his eyebrows raising above his sunglasses. Simon had originally been written as a supporting character. Az patted his thigh in congratulations, wriggling a bit in anticipation.

"And last but never least, Azira Fell, Harold the Hippo and also our main character, Leo the Lion."

Hearing it quieted the last quiver of anxiety. Az smiled benevolently at the members of his cartoon kingdom.

-

From almost the minute Az stopped worrying, Tony started. Oh, Newton was fine - barely out of acting school, shy, quiet, and a bit of a walking disaster. If anyone was going to trigger squealing microphone feedback or accidentally trip over a cord and unplug important machinery, it was going to be Newt. But he was a competent voice actor and every now and then he'd say something that proved he was incredibly intelligent, which made him interesting enough to be around.

Tracy, on the other hand, was a threat.

Tracy had been delicately flirting with Az within the hour. That wasn't great, but it didn't bother Tony… much. Az loved Tony too much to stray. Oh, who was he kidding? He was worried. Tracy might be middle aged, but she was pretty, dressed to show it, loved food, and had a bawdy sense of humor.

Just like his beautiful, bisexual Az. Az, who had started out treating her with the same formal politeness that Tony remembered from their own first days together, only to rapidly reach the point where they were openly swapping recipes and dirty jokes and Tony started counting the seconds until the end of the day, when he'd have Az safely back to himself.

Then there came the fateful table read.

Tracy and Az had their heads down over by the tea table, giggling over something completely filthy based on their gestures, when Shadwell (like Wensleydale, he preferred his last name) looked up from his ever-present pile of tabloids and grunted "Can't you see he's a pansy, woman?"

Everyone froze. There was a faint, horrified, "Uncle, you can't say things like that!" from Newton but no one, least of all Shadwell, minded him.

"Puttin' yourself on display, like a painted strumpet; he'll no pay you that kind of attention," Shadwell continued.

Tony snarled.

Newton whimpered.

Az stared, mouth agape in shock.

Tracy raised an eyebrow.

Then she very deliberately smoothed down the front of her bright blouse, which coincidentally tugged it just enough to show a fraction more cleavage, before snapping at Shadwell, "That's no way to behave to your co-workers!" She patted Az on the forearm. "Don't mind him, he's just jealous."

"I’m no-"

"Don't think I haven't seen you looking," she said briskly, overriding Shadwell's spluttering objection. "Not a chance unless you behave. And you apologize!"

Az had pulled himself together. With the soft, sunny, wicked smile that Tony knew meant trouble, he simply said, "Well, to be fair, I am. Aren't I, Tony?"

"Ng-" He didn't even get a chance to finish whatever noise he was going to make before Az gently, firmly, inexorably cradled his head and dragged him over for a kiss.

A very passionate kiss with a _lot_ of tongue.

"I'm not sure I'm old enough to be watching this," Newton said bemusedly from a thousand miles away.

Shadwell wasn't saying anything as they broke for air – it was his turn to watch, mouth agape.

Tracy walked around the table and cupped Shadwell's chin, scarlet nails not quite clawing as she dragged his face around to hers in a jingle of bracelets. "There'll be no more nonsense from you or you won't be allowed to take me to dinner on Friday and get a kiss like that of your own."

"I dinna want –"

"Seven o'clock sharp."

"But-"

"It's settled then." She jingled back to her seat, patted Az's hand, and picked up her script again.

Az and Tony had argued about her chances, but on Friday Shadwell arrived dressed in a semi-decent suit that seemed to make him slightly uncomfortable and even pulled out Tracy's chair at the table. She smiled with regal satisfaction.

Tony handed Az a fiver under the table.

-

With the pecking order sorted out and various anxieties laid to rest, the voice talent of Adam's Animals settled down to the process of evolving from polite co-workers to friendly co-workers to friends. It was a happy set, which made for happy work, and even more happy guest stars – of which there were plenty.

Shadwell rustled his newspaper (in between takes, he never spoiled recordings). "Says here David Tennant's going to come voice one of our animals."

"Oh, we're never getting David Tennant!" Tracy said. "He's too famous for the likes of us!"

"He's got four young children," Newt replied. "He mentioned in his podcast that he wanted to have something to share with his littlest ones. He was interviewing Judi Dench at the time and she sounded interested, said she wanted something to do for her grandchildren and she heard we were good."

"Well, we are," Az said, stoutly loyal to the show he now considered his. "But Adam and Pepper have been making such a point of hiring unknowns to help them get started. I've always liked that part."

"You've liked pretending to be their dad or something. I've never seen anyone so anxious to give helpful advice," Tony drawled over his coffee mug.

"As if you don't!" Az laughed at him.

"I like ‘em younger."

"True. His favorite part of being Simon is talking to little kids," Az told the others fondly.

They nodded. Over half the fan mail coming in to Adam's Animals was addressed to Mr. Simon or Mr. Snake. Much of it was from viewing children with a weak grasp on the difference between cartoon and reality, but the majority of it was children thanking him for visiting. There wasn't a children's hospital ward in the greater London area Tony hadn't gone to with a stuffed snake slung around his shoulders that he pretended was whispering in his ear, telling him to pass on messages of cheer and ridiculously bad advice. ("Simon's perfect plan goes wrong" was still the most popular plotline.)

-

So it was that between up and coming young actors cycling through Adam's Animals Production on their way to fame and older, well-known ones wanting to be part of the show they let their children and grandchildren watch, Leo's many, many friends came to include a huge percentage of the acting community. And they _were_ friends – with the possible exception of Shadwell, who preferred his newspapers and conspiracy theories, the main cast of Leo threw its metaphorical arms wide and embraced everyone who came along as if they were a long-lost, much-missed relative.

The enthusiasm was returned. Az, Tony, Newt, and Tracy found “let’s work together again!” job offers falling into their laps – a cameo here, a theatrical role there, television appearances everywhere. As the show was sold in more markets, their circle of friends and opportunities expanded around the globe.

When CBeebies’ Leo turned 10, the whole world threw an anniversary party.

There had been video interviews and press junkets, but the main celebration was the big convention in London, the one where voice actors for Simons and Leos from every country gathered.

Backstage, a handful of harried interpreters and gofers were attempting to wrangle their various pairings for the big reveal.

"Donde esta el Español Simon?"

"Russia! Where are the Russian – ah, spasibo."

"Japan? Nihon?"

Az listened to the chaos bubbling behind him, peeking through the curtains and smiling. Tony was out there, bouncing fussy babies until they laughed, babbling nonsense at toddlers, hugging everyone who hugged him, and occasionally flirtatiously kissing a flustered, blushing mother on the cheek.

An assistant touched his shoulder. "Mr. Fell, sir-"

"My dear! No need to 'sir' me! How can I help you?"

"Do you know where Mr. Crowley is?"

Az poked a thumb at the curtain. "There's a whole hall full of babies and toddlers to make faces at and nothing was going to stand in his way."

The assistant turned green. Az patted her on the shoulder. "Go ahead and start the show, my dear. He knows how to make an entrance." He went back to peering through the curtain.

"It makes you happy to see him happy," said the Italian Leo, coming up next to him.

"Yes, it does, very much." Out on the floor, Tony rubbed noses with a baby, making it squeal with delight. Az sighed in equal delight. "I love him so."

Italian Leo laughed. "I love my Simon Snake too, but not like that, eh? He's my little brother."

Az chuckled. "Simon is a good character for a little brother to play. Always up to mischief, always doing something."

"Something the older brother must always clean up, like Leo!"

"That's what I like about the character," Az mused. "Leo and Simon are so very relatable."

"And in my case, related!" Italian Leo paused. "I have been a voice actor for a very long time. I just wanted you to know, Leo to Leo – this is the job I’m proudest of."

"Me too, my friend."

The intro music started to play.

-

Out on the convention floor, Tony heard the music start and made a strangled noise, starting to push through the crowd like a salmon rushing to swim upstream. He and Az, the first Leo and Simon, would be the last introduced. Even so, the MC had to announce him twice before he reached the stairs to the stage and finally took his place in the center of the line.

"Well THAT," Tony drawled into the microphone, trying to pat his hair back into place, "was not what I planned!"

The audience screamed in delighted unison.

Az didn't bother for his introduction, coming out during the audience reaction. He shook his head in mock dismay, plucking Tony's shirt straight, and clearly announced into the microphone, "My dear boy – you've been very foolish again."

The sound the audience made for that wasn't even a noise – more of a glorious, jubilant, joyful pressure on the eardrums.

-

You might think that we had reached the happily ever after portion of the story. Az and Tony are successful, famous, comfortably well off, and very much in love. It's a perfect happy ending!

Except for the fact that the story does not end here.

Eleven years had brought _Leo and Friends_ to the top.

It took less than eleven weeks to ruin everything.


	4. Paradise Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony's fall was fast and brutal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content: This is the chapter that earned the homophobia tag

One by one, the original members of Adam's Animals had moved on. Wensleydale was the first, shuffling into the BBC budgeting department soon after CBeebies bought the show, eventually moving on to his life goal of chartered accountancy. Brian was next, moving in front of the camera to host game shows. Pepper held on much longer, but she finally dropped out of television entirely to work for a social justice group.

Then Arthur Young became very ill, leaving Adam to split more and more of his attention between helping his parents and Leo until the day he finally was forced to pick a side. He chose his father – he would always choose his father – but he also tried to protect his work family, selling Leo and Friends to a new company in order to preserve everyone's jobs.

-

Gabriel was tall, handsome, impeccably dressed, American, and smiled so many perfect white teeth that it took a moment to realize that the words he was saying in such a "we're all friends here" tone were horrible, dismissive, and belittling. Az feared him from the moment of introduction. Tony simply loathed him and didn't attempt to hide it.

Those big teeth were in full display as Gabriel gathered the production staff the day Adam Young's buyback option expired and announced that they were going to make just a _few_ changes to Adam's vision, very minor ones, but ones that brought Gabriel's Ark Productions more into key demographics and maximized marketing, blah, blah, something something else ending in –ize.

Tracy stared at Gabriel in wary disgust. Every now and then Shadwell patted her hand, usually right after lines about "balancing gender representation" and "how we want to use the show to encourage little girls to embrace traditional options." Tony and Newton scribbled down buzzword bingo cards, exchanged them, and started to play.

Az let everything wash over him in a wave of horror until Gabriel mentioned "the woefully underutilized options for brand name merchandising."

He raised his hand.

Gabriel ignored it.

Az left his hand up so long he could feel the blood draining out of it.

Gabriel ignored it.

Az put his hand down.

Gabriel smiled wider… until Az stood up, announcing, "It was a point of principle with the Youngs that _Leo and Friends_ never become a mere front for selling tat to children. They and Miss Moonchild made certain of that."

They had. There were exactly two types of official merchandise for sale, both at as low a price as possible: small stuffed animals of Leo, Simon, and Chandra (the three most popular characters) and the back catalog of episodes on DVD. Everything else – paper dolls, coloring pages, simple board and card games – was downloadable for free.

"Leaving a whole lot of people who aren't us profiting off their own things on Redbubble and TeeSpring and other places, I know." This was also true; Adam had looked the other way as long as whatever was being sold was suitable for children. Tony was currently wearing a t-shirt with "That’s not what I planned" written on it in 15 languages.

"Adam Young was young," Gabriel said, then chuckled loudly at his own joke. "It's time for wiser heads to realize the financial upside of licensing possibilities. We've already had our lawyers send out cease and desist orders with the threat of lawsuit over any unlicensed material from any online vendor."

There was a sharp gasp from Shadwell. Everyone unofficially knew that he'd been making serious bank on slogan t-shirts and character keychains and everyone left him to it – Pepper had even helped him – because the vast majority of the proceeds they supposedly didn't know about had been funneled into NHS and homeless charities. (A tiny fraction of the profit funded grocery runs for Az and Tracy, who had made a point of trying to out cook each other's goodies on table reading days.)

Gabriel's momentum having been broken, Tracy was the next to speak up. "What do you mean about traditional options for girls?" she asked sharply. Most of the women brought in to guest star had been voicing competitors or teammates for the sports-minded, intellectual Chandra the Cheetah.

Those perfect American teeth were aimed at her. "Oh, nothing to worry about, nothing all. We just thought, well – your lovely little hedgehog shouldn't be the butt of jokes for being a homebody, should she? We should have more storylines about her being proud of being house proud."

"If you think so," Tracy said, starting to settle back, only to launch forward again. "What about Nadia Khan? There was some discussion of adding her to the regular cast instead of just guest starring as Ayesha the Antelope. Are you still planning that?"

Gabriel's second in command Michael stepped in smoothly, "Once we get our marketing profits rolling in we can start discussing adding to the cast. And, of course, there will be a little more for all of you as well. We want to take care of you as family, because we think of all of you as our family. One, big, happy, traditional family."

Az swallowed hard. He knew how happy traditional families felt about people like him. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Tony doing the same.

-

"It's been a pleasure," Newton said, handing his filled bingo card to Tony outside the studio door. Some of the squares had been checked off more than once. "Synergistic" had five.

"You're not even going to give him a chance, then?" Tony asked.

Newton shook his head. "My agent – Anathema Device, you've met her? She says she's had a bad feeling ever since the sale was announced. She's already looking for other opportunities for me." He reached into his pocket and pulled out business cards, offering them to the others. "I know, you all think it's silly that my agent works on intuition, but she's never been wrong and she's always finding the most amazing jobs. It's like magic."

Tony backed away, holding up his hands. "Thanks, I’m happy with BLZB Unlimited."

"Sandalphon Brothers have been taking good care of me for my entire career," Az said, but he took a card just to be polite.

Newton was gone by the next table read.

-

The changes were so subtle at first that everyone was second-guessing whether they were happening at all. Harriet the Hedgehog was getting more screen time… but Chandra the Cheetah was being slowly phased out. Leo's role was shifting to become more and more authoritarian, although Az's soft, friendly delivery managed to turn orders into requests and threats of punishment into expressions of disappointment.

"No." Gabriel said firmly at the latest table reading. "You're not doing it right. You need to be angry at Simon. Simon messed up!"

"Simon always messes up," Az replied mildly. "It's important for little children to understand that they aren't bad if they make mistakes."

"I don't think you're grasping the values of our new target market," Michael said, smooth as always.

"I'm certainly grasping that I don't like it," Az shot back. "I don't understand what market is worth what you're doing to this show."

"Aye!" Shadwell chipped in. "Our ratings are starting to slide."

"And we've lost our partnerships with Japan, Australia, and Peru," Tracy chipped in.

Gabriel smiled at them, the fake friendly grin; all teeth and no warmth. _I hate having all those teeth deployed at me,_ Az thought grumpily. _It's like being patronized by a horse._

"How nice that you take such an interest!" Gabriel chirped at them. "But really, there's no need to worry about any of that. You stick to voice acting and leave the marketing to-"

"Did you just tell us not to bother our pretty little heads?" Tracy snapped.

Michael cut in, cool and calm, to stop the argument. "Now, now, we are gaining a great deal of attention with our chosen market. Our new focus on traditional family values has brought us to the top of the conservative religious demographic. Why, we're more popular in America than Veggie Tales!"

"We work for the BBC," Tony pointed out. "Our mandate is the entire British market, not American evangelicals."

The teeth disappeared. "Behave yourself," Gabriel warned. "There is already a lot of pushback from our new viewers about having a snake on the show. Serpents remind them of the fall of Eve."

Tony lounged in his chair and sneered. "Simon's the most popular character on this show. You lose him, your ratings won't just slide."

Gabriel sneered back. Michael glared at everyone, ending on Tony. "No one is irreplaceable. And we won't have anyone working on this show who doesn't reflect our values."

"Values like…" Tony challenged.

"Wholesome family values," Gabriel said. "Don't think we don't know about you and that disgusting nightclub. Be careful who you pal around with."

"I'll pal around with anyone I want to… _pal_."

-

Az had listened to the argument with increasing distress, but whenever he mentioned it to Tony over the next few days, Tony blew him off. "I really am the most popular character – no offense, angel. They don't dare do anything to me."

"None taken." Simon got over twice as much fan mail as Leo. Az loved Tony, so Az even loved being outshined. (Mostly.) "But do be careful. I don't know what I'd do if anything happened to you."

"You'd go on being Leo." Uncharacteristically solemn, Tony came over and laid his hands on Az's shoulders, looking deep into his eyes. "Outside of you, Leo is the best thing I've got in my life. We made something beautiful, and if that wanker is going to try to ruin it, I'm going to fight back. I want you to fight back, too. No matter what." Tony shook him slightly, smiling. "I've adored how you're using delivery to change the meaning of that shitty dialog."

"Gabriel doesn't think it's cute!"

"You're so hot when you blink innocently and remind him you're doing the lines exactly as written. I always want to shag you right there on the table."

Az laughed. "I don't think that would fit with their synergistic portrayal of wholesome traditional family values, dear boy."

-

Tony's fall was fast and brutal.

He never knew who told Michael that he planned on going to _The Green Carnation_ that night. Az had been trying to keep him home after the threat, but as much as he loved Az, Tony missed the crowds and the lights and the sound so loud that he could feel it resonating in his chest. So every now and then he went out for a night on the town.

Tony hadn't even gone home yet when the tabloids started arriving at the newsstands. At first he thought what he was seeing was the product of anxiety and alcohol, but the more he walked back to the flat, the more he sobered up, the more he got scared.

The headlines were huge, screaming, ugly, cruel:

WOULD YOU TRUST THIS MAN WITH YOUR CHILDREN? SIMON THE SNAKE'S SECRET LIFE. The fishwrap must have gone to press as soon as they had photos to reproduce; that one was from the first hour of the club's opening. There was Tony kissing his replacement DJ on the cheek; there was Tony, tie and shirt open, holding a brandy bottle high in one hand while working the DJ controls with another, hips obviously swaying.

IT'S ONLY NATURAL: SNAKES MATE IN ORGIES Another photo only a few hours old; Tony on the dance floor in a crowd of men. Az knew he'd never cheat, never dreamed of cheating, but – what the fuck was that guy doing behind him? And that other one? Whoever had taken the photo had perfectly timed the snap so that the dancer's hands looked like they were grabbing each other's crotches. 

Worst of all, IS THE BBC SHELTERING ANOTHER PREDATOR? ANTHONY "TONY" CROWLEY'S SECRET FONDNESS FOR TOUCHING YOUNGSTERS. Beneath it was – oh God, oh God, oh God, those were photos of him at the anniversary convention, official Leo photos of him kissing babies and holding toddlers and oh God, oh God, oh God, it had all been so innocent, he'd never, he'd never, he'd never, he'd never, he'd never and every single one of them was cropped to show how he was supporting the kids the way anyone would hold a kid, the way everyone would hold a kid, the only way to hold a kid safely and securely… with a hand cupping their arse or upper thigh.

Suddenly paranoid, Tony looked up and down the street, trying to see anyone who looked out of place among the night clubbers walking it off and the delivery people stocking the newspapers. He didn't see anyone, but that didn't mean he wasn't leading the mystery photographer straight to Az.

He dodged into a hotel lobby, discovered that he had one of Az's credit cards in his wallet, and checked in under the assumed name.

He'd meant to call Az, to warn him, to tell him to avoid the papers, but he'd taken too long; it rang over to voice mail.

Then again.

Again.

Without Tony to drive him, Az must have decided to take the tube to work, where there was no signal. Tony kept trying again anyway.

Again.

Again.

Just as he was about to hit redial, his phone rang with a short clip of "You're My Best Friend" by Queen.

"Angel?"

"You're okay!" Az sighed, long and heavy, down the line. "Look, don't come in to work yet. You've been at the club all night, you wouldn't know. There's a… situation."

"I've seen the headlines," Tony whimpered. "You know I'd never fool around on you. I'd never hurt a kid. They're saying I hurt kids!"

"I know." Az didn't lose his temper often, but Tony knew that firm tone. "We're going to fix this. You need to call BLZB, get one of their lawyers on the case. This is libel. Defamation of character."

"I don't even know where they got the photos!"

"It was Michael. Gabriel just told us that if anyone else steps out of line, they'll get smeared in the tabloids too."

Through the fear and anxiety, Tony scoffed. "They've got nothing on you. You're as pure as an angel."

There was a long, ugly pause.

"Angel?"

There was a fumbling sound, then Michael's chilly voice came through. "If you really love this man as much as these interesting goodbye kisses from last night suggest, you won't come back here anymore. If you try, I'll ruin him too. Let all the kiddies know that their beloved Leo is nothing but a fat old pansy."

"You haven't ruined me yet, you-"

"Are you sure?" Michael hung up abruptly.

Tony stared at his phone for a while, in horrified shock, but realized the sooner he followed Az's advice, the better. With shaking hands he dialed his agent.

"BLZB, this is Dagon – oh. It's you. Well, that spares me the call saying you're fired."

"It's all lies! You know it's all lies!"

"I’m sure it is," Dagon said in a tone that suggested they weren't sure and didn't care either way. "Still, we have to protect the good name of BLZB Unlimited, so good luck and goodbye. I’m blocking your number now."

Tony was left staring at his phone in shock again.

After a while, it began to ring again. Numbly, he answered the call.

Pepper didn't waste any time on pleasantries. "Any of this true?"

"Well… you know I’m gay and I worked at the Carnation."

"Not that! The kids! Any of that true?"

"I swear to God no! You know me Pepper, you _know_ me, you've known me for eleven years, I've never hurt a child, I could never! All those hospital visits I've done - was there ever one complaint, one whisper? I've babysat for your own children, did you ever for one second think I'd… I'd… _THAT?_ "

A brief silence, in which Tony's aching heart almost stopped beating.

"No, never. I’m going to talk to one of the lawyers on staff here. Whoever did this isn't just hurting you, they're hurting the name of _Leo and Friends_ – and I'm not going to stand for that. Adam shouldn't have to deal with that on top of his family."

"How is Arthur?"

There was a long silence.

"They say he might pull through, but not if he has a shock like this. Are you home?"

"No, I’m at the Strand Palace Hotel."

"Stay there. I'll send you the details of the lawyer when I've got them. In the meantime, don't talk to anyone except our lawyer and Az. Got that? Nobody else. No trying to explain your side. It'll just get twisted up and used against you."

Smart advice, but hard to follow. Tony's phone rang all day long – numbers he didn't know were easy to block, but he was also getting calls from Tracy, Shadwell, mates from the Green Carnation, former cast members of Leo. Texts were pouring in as well – support from the people he knew; filth from any number of blocked or unknown numbers.

Finally he turned his phone off.

He waited for Az to knock on the hotel door. He waited for Az to tell the hotel staff he'd lost the key to "his" room and just let himself in.

He waited and he waited and he waited… until at last he broke down and used the hotel phone.

"Oh, dear boy!" Az sighed. "It's been a terrible day without you. The place has been crawling with reporters, trying to get us to give them a soundbite. All of us refuse to talk to them. Well, all of us actors."

"What about the wankers?"

Az didn't need a translation. "If we didn't know he'd told Michael to do it, you could almost believe Gabriel's shock and denials. Absolutely horrified at false accusations, sure you'll defend yourself, all some sort of mistake, absolutely revolted at the suggestion that gay men are predators…"

"He also told them I'm fired, I bet."

"Says you resigned to put all your energies to clearing your name. Those fuckers!"

"Az!"

"They set you up! They must have been just waiting for their chance. Tony, they've already replaced you! We came in to work today and there's a brand new guy named Hastur playing some slimy toady."

"Do you mean he plays a toad or he's a toady?"

"Same difference," Az said grimly, "The famous friendship of the Leo cast has finally failed. None of us were more than barely polite."

The realities of Tony's situation were starting to sink in. "Oh God, Az, if the journos are sniffing around, I don't dare get near you. I'm not dragging you down with me."

"I'd rather be in the mud with you than –"

"No. No. You've got to stay and save Leo. I couldn't live with myself if I took Leo away from you."

"Hang Leo, he's just a cartoon! You're-"

"Look." Tony suppressed a sob. "It's been fun, yeah? But maybe we should take a break."

"WHAT? Tony, no, no don't-"

Tony hung up. He didn't pick up the receiver, not when it rang, and rang, and rang again.

-

Pepper's lawyer, a fussy perfectionist named Tyler, went on a major public relations offensive. Various LGBQT groups joined the defense, accurately recognizing that the real complaint was simply that Tony was gay. The hospitals, dutifully carrying out their requirements to protect the children in their care, ran internal inquiries – and loudly proclaimed that not only did they not find anything wrong, the children on their wards were inconsolable without Tony and his stuffed Simon visiting them. Even half the people pictured from the anniversary convention wrote indignantly to the papers, defending Tony's innocence.

Yet the story was so salacious that Tony couldn't immediately shake it off. Advised by Tyler to lay low, haunted by the terror he'd ruin Az as well, in the end Tony didn't even go back to the flat to collect his clothes.

Newt found where he was hiding- he claimed Anathema had scryed him out - and connected him with Device Talents. It was Anathema and one of Leo's many influential acting friends that provided a practical solution until the gossip died down: a quickly signed contract, a handshake deal, and a multi-month live theater tour in the States under a different name.

Az never knew, as he lay weeping alone in the bed he shared with Tony, that his lover -- hair newly dyed, wardrobe newly changed, was at that very moment sobbing over a script as British Air swept him away from the scandals of London voice actor Tony Crowley into a new life as Anthony Jay, Scottish character actor.


	5. Cast Into Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Az tried, he really did. But every day was a little harder even though the pattern never changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content - this is the chapter that earned the mentions of depression and depression tags, and is told from the depressed character's point of view.
> 
> Reminder - this fic WILL earn the Happy Ending tag too.

Az tried, he really did. He cared about Leo, deeply. He took personal pride and responsibility for the many children who looked to Leo for guidance, advice, a friend.

But every day was a little harder even though the pattern never changed. Get up in a cold, lonely flat. Go to a job that was no longer a joy. Try not to punch the new actor in the face when Gabriel fawned on him or when his character sounded like a particularly annoying televangelist. Don't talk to whatever journalists were still hanging around. Go home to a cold, lonely flat. Wonder what Tony was doing and if he was all right. Start to write him a text. Erase it. Pretend to eat dinner. Try and fail to sleep in an achingly empty bed.

Tony's disgrace had been a fast-moving scandal that quickly blew itself out in the absence of actual facts (or actual accusations). The tabloids found something to be shocked about the Royal Family by the end of the fortnight and never mentioned Tony again - but now he was still in the States and not answering messages from anyone in the Leo cast.

Gabriel and Michael were disgusting in their smugness. Letters and emails were pouring into the publicity department, letters and emails which, Az, Tracy, and Shadwell were daily reminded, were thanking them for the changes and saying how relieved they were Simon was gone.

"It's a pack of lies," Shadwell grumbled one day, keeping his voice low as if they were prisoners exchanging information. "I've seen 'em. Every single one is demanding we bring back Simon and fire the toad." He caught Tracy's eye. "Almost every single one of them. Some of 'em are asking about Chandra."

Az and Tracy nodded. Chandra the Cheetah had all but disappeared from Leo, despite her having been a solid third in the fan favorites. Besides, they knew the truth from social media, which had united for the return of Simon and even more unanimously against Hastur's preachy, holier-than-thou Tully the Toad.

Tully lasted all of six episodes before he had to be hastily written out by a grim Gabriel. He'd been forced by a dedicated group of Simon fans who had been picketing the studio; their phone cameras caught Hastur smoking a cigarette outside, a bookie's form sticking out of his coat pocket, and the retaliatory "Do you want this person modeling this horrible behavior to your innocent little kiddies?" campaign went viral on social media within minutes. Privately, none of the actors thought that either a quick smoke or a little flutter was any more of a sin than attending a gay nightclub but, as Tracy put it, sauce for the goose was sauce for the Gabriel.

-

The hardest part for Az was checking his email. There was never anything from Tony, who had obviously decided to make a clean break. On the other hand, Leo scripts were pouring in, each one worse than the last.

Finally the day came when he checked his email, downloaded the latest script, read it, and snapped. Az hadn't even noticed now numb he'd become until he felt the unfamiliar rush of white-hot rage.

But Az, fussy, meticulous Az, had never been the creature of drama and impulse Tony was. What he did next would be carefully planned. He put the kettle on, thought about all his options, then picked up the phone.

Not to Tony, whose silence was killing him more each day.

Not to his agent Sandy.

Not to Tracy, his co-conspirator in attempting to keep the original heart of Leo beating.

Az didn't often use the connections Leo had created for him in the acting community, but he had been punctilious about remembering birthdays, weddings, births, major career events, and various religious holidays with the appropriate cards and gifts. His quieter actions – a discreet gift of money here, a quick phone call to the right person there – had been the making or saving of several careers.

Az usually did it because he took simple pleasure in doing good deeds without need for reward. But he wasn't naive. He had a decade's backlog of favors and a solid spot in the address book of nearly everyone with influence.

Time to leverage that.

The phone at the other end rang once, twice, was picked up. Az tried to sound cheerful, even as his heart raged with nauseated fury. "Hello! Oh, it's good to hear from you too. How is everything? Your daughter is well? Good. Good. Look… I need to... can I come guest on your show? There's something I have… today? Really? Yes, I can come today. Best done quickly. No… no, I haven't heard from Tony. Yes, thank you, I'm sure he's doing fine too. Thank you for asking. When should I arrive at the studio?"

-

 _Afternoons with Agnes_ was Britain's most popular talk and advice show; so popular that most people thought it was the only thing she had ever done. Not quite; Agnes had also once played Mary the Meerkat on Leo years and years ago. She'd been a perfectly good meerkat, but she shone as a professional talk show host – there was something compelling about her; she just knew whatever people needed to hear and made sure they heard it. A lot of it came from being Anathema's mother (or, more accurately, Anathema's skills came from her); they shared whatever gift it was to get the right people in the right place to do the right thing.

Even if, upon occasion, the right thing was to flame out in public so badly that being seen for who you really were or being forced to get the help you desperately needed was the inevitable outcome. People talked for years about famous stars who'd been practically hustled straight from the Agnes set to rehab.

Az sat in the green room, wondering if he was about to be one of the infamous flame outs, nervously smoothing down the legs of his trousers (the wardrobe person having threatened him if he touched his signature tartan Leo bow tie one more time). He was certain he was doing the right thing, couldn't see any other options, yet still … once he went public like this, there would be no going back.

"Mr. Fell, you're up in 5," the wardrobe assistant said, giving his bow tie an eagle glance. Az followed to the wings, just in time to hear the end of Agnes' introduction.

"-may not recognize the face of our next guest but there's no mistaking that voice. Please give a warm welcome to special surprise guest Azira Fell, the man who has helped raise generations of children – the voice of Leo the Lion!"

The spritely Leo theme tune played as he stepped out, making Az's smile freeze a bit. The audience was clapping – and, he noticed as he sat down, a good half of them were mouthing the words. He knew Leo wasn't just for little kids, no matter what Gabriel insisted.

Agnes gently sat him down and, without any of the usual social chit chat, told the audience, "Mr. Fell has come to tell us an important message."

As Az took a deep steadying breath, a voice rang out from the audience. "Are you going to tell us it's going back to the way it was? Leo's rubbish these days! I won't let my children watch after that nasty toad seriously suggested someone get a spanking just for accidentally dropping a plate! Everybody drops things now and then! You used to do whole episodes about how accidents are normal!"

The audience murmured approval.

"Ah. Yes. Well." Az floundered. He looked at Agnes, whose dark, knowing eyes calmed him enough to continue. She gave him a small nod of approval. He took another steadying breath. "Yes. There have been some changes. And, like you, I have not approved of them. That is why this very morning I put in my letter of resignation."

This was not, strictly speaking, true. "I QUIT" is five letters, and he'd scrawled it in red highlighter across the page in the script where Chandra the Cheetah gave up sports and "brainy books," saying she realized she would be "much happier raising boys than pretending to be one."

"What will the people who make Leo do?" Agnes asked.

"Probably replace me and continue in their new direction." The audience booed.

"What are you going to do?"

"Ah. Well…" Az looked deep into the camera, dropping for the final time into _that_ voice. "I asked to come on the show today so the _original_ Leo could give one last message to his many friends…"

-

Afternoons in England are mornings in America. Tony was still groggily contemplating his coffee when his co-star Eric Daemon ran in, phone held out. "AJ! AJ, have you seen this? Isn't this your ex on TV talking about that show you used to do?"

Oh God, Az was still so beautiful. Losing a little too much weight – he went off his feed when he got anxious, Tony had had to help him, make sure he ate – and that voice! That soothing, caring voice that had reassured thousands of children – not to mention Tony himself.

"... I want you always to be kind. To always help each other. To be willing to say 'please,' and 'thank you,' and if necessary 'I'm sorry' as often as necessary." Az raised his chin in defiance, although his voice remained the child-friendly rumble known around the world. "To never, never, never be afraid to love who you love."

The camera panned over the silent audience. Many of the people were crying.

"I have to leave you now but I want you to remember this for the rest of your life: I am proud of you. I am proud of you for trying, even if you don't always get things right. I care about you because you are worth caring about, just as you are. And you will _always_ be my _very_ special friend, even when you are big and tall and all grown up."

People in the audience were openly sobbing now. Even Agnes was looking watery as Az stood up. "I will forever be grateful for your love and support. Thank you and goodbye."

And then he was gone.

"Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God," Tony was chanting, not quite realizing he was saying anything at all.

"That was a hell of a farewell speech," Eric said in awe. "Wow. What caused that, do you know? It's gone viral, man, you should see the hashtag LeosFriends right now."

"It's… complicated."

Eric shrugged. "Whatever. Hey, this seems to be part of it, can you tell me what's going on and who these people are?"

The lighting was grainy, the sound muffled; unlike the previous professionally filmed clip, this was obviously surreptitious mobile phone video, shot in what looked like a car park. Underneath it, the reblog count was rising fast.

-

Az sighed as he walked away from… well, everything, probably including his entire career. He almost didn't get past tea adverts; he'd never get past Leo no matter how much other work he'd put in. 

Leo had been worth it. At least, it had been while Adam Young had been around.

As soon as he unsilenced his phone, he saw his agent had left a voicemail.

"Hey, asshole! I can't believe you did me dirty after all I've done for you! You know what? I quit, you fat fuck, just like you did. Don't bother crawling back to me, I'm done! I'm going to make sure no agent in this town will touch you!"

It was like a punch to the gut. Az had known that Sandy would be angry, but not this angry; Az had been a money tree for Sandalphon Brothers. Once the Leo role was solid, all Sandy had to do was renegotiate salary now and then and take a cut of the jobs offered by the Leo's Friends network, none of which he'd had to lift a finger to set up.

Az stopped dead in sudden anxiety. If he wasn't Leo anymore… did he have any friends at all anymore? He'd been in and out of the office to drop off his resignation page without talking to anyone, leaving Tracy and Shadwell in the lurch with no warning. Right when Tracy needed all the support she could get over what they'd done to Chandra the Cheetah. They'd be within their rights to simply walk away from him like Sandy had.

Like Tony had.

How ironic. The man who just told the world he loved everyone was probably not loved – or even liked – by anyone anymore.

"Hey." Agnes had come up behind him unnoticed. "I know what you're thinking and stop it. You did the right thing. Here. Read it when you're ready."

She pressed an envelope into his hand, squeezed his shoulder, and left.

Az opened the envelope and pulled out a mass produced sympathy card with a photo of a cocoon on the front. On the inside, over a field of butterfly wings, the printed message said "The caterpillar thinks the world is ending. The butterfly knows the world is beginning. Your future will be bright and beautiful."

Beneath it Agnes had written "Depression lies. Do not listen to it."

He had no idea when she'd gotten the card; Az knew that he hadn't told her why he wanted to be on the show, and there had been no time between his announcement and her delivery to have sent an assistant out to buy one.

That was Agnes for you.

Going home and burrowing into a cocoon sounded like an excellent plan, so Az hustled out, looking forward to going to ground and hiding for a while.

Gabriel and Michael were waiting in ambush in the car park.

"I'm going to end you!" Gabriel snarled at him. "I'm going to sue you for everything you're worth! You can't just claim to be Leo!"

"I am Leo. Was, anyway."

Michael was practically quivering with malice. "Your contract clearly states that you cannot use any form of the _Leo and Friends_ properties without previous marketing approval and providing payment of royalties. Including any audio properties strongly associated with the Leo licensing."

It took a moment for Az to parse that. "You're going to… ban me from using my own voice?"

"That voice belongs to _us_ now, chuckles!"

"Oi! Gabe!"

Az blinked. Leaning over to look around Gabriel and Michael, he saw a familiar scornful face.

"What is this Tracy sent me? WHAT IS THIS GENDER ESSENTIALIST SHIT?" Pepper threw what looked suspiciously like a printout of the latest Leo script straight into Gabriel's face. Papers fluttered everywhere while he looked foolish. "I will NOT allow my characters to endorse sexism of any kind!" she stormed.

"Nobody cares; they're not your characters," Gabriel snapped. "You should be home playing with your babies, not interfering with men's work!"

Pepper sneered back. "And you should be in the studio trying to work on this travesty but we both know you can't." She looked over her shoulder to Az. "Tracy and Shadwell walked out the moment they knew you'd left. Did you know that?"

Gabriel pulled himself up to his full formidable height. "We are going to recast and continue with our vision-"

Another voice broke in, calm and firm. "No. You're messing it all up. You weren't supposed to do that. I didn't want anything to change. Now I'm going to fix it."

Adam Young was standing there, flanked by Tyler and Wensleydale, who was holding a legal briefcase.

Gabriel sneered at him. "Your buyback option expired weeks ago. You don't have any say anymore."

Adam stayed calm, but it was the sort of calm you feel right before lightning strikes. "You should have paid more attention to your contract. I sold the studio, but I retain copyright on my characters. You'll find I have plenty to say, and it starts with the words 'Cease and Desist'."

-

Numb, exhausted, forgotten, Az walked away. He never noticed the crewhand filming everything on their phone.

-

Once safely back in the flat, Az turned off his phone and threw himself into bed. He'd sleep off the shock and deal with everything else later.

-

When he woke up, it was dark, but his mind was clear. The full enormity of everything crashed in on him.

He didn't have an agent. He didn't have Leo. He didn't have Tony.

Az curled up and cried until he fell back asleep.

-

Waking the next morning was painful with its fresh reminders of everything he had lost. Az turned on his phone, but there was nothing from Adam or Pepper asking him to come back in. There wasn't anything from Tony either. Without them, the sheer number of missed voicemails, texts, and calls exhausted him. He tried to look at the news, but the first time he saw the words " _Leo and Friends_ permanently canceled," he just turned the phone back off.

He tried to eat some breakfast, but stopped after a few bites. Nothing tasted good and he didn't have an appetite anyway. He'd eat properly later, when he felt better.

At some point, there was knocking on the door, but Az didn't want to deal with anyone. He turned off the lights, waited, and eventually the sound stopped, leaving him alone like he wanted to be.

Alone. He was truly alone, now wasn't he? He didn't have Tony. He didn't have Leo. He didn't have any friends. He didn't have any friends anywhere in the world, not now that he had single-handedly ruined Leo.

-

Days passed in a blur. Az tried to sleep as much as possible; when he was asleep he didn't have to think about what he'd done. When he was asleep, he felt fine.

Sometimes when he was asleep he was back in the studio, joking with the others, feeling Tony's hand warm on his thigh.

Sometimes when he was asleep, he'd wake up to find Tony in the bed next to him and Gabriel, Michael, and everything that had happened next was the nightmare.

But then he'd wake up for real. Those were the worst times, when he would cry and cry and cry and not be able to get back into that beautiful dream of happiness.

Awake, he had to remember that he didn't have Leo. He didn't have Tony. Everyone was mad at him.

Occasionally the sheer animal needs of his body forced him to eat something, no matter how little he wanted to. He'd had a lot of heat-and-eat meals in the beginning, but he'd just take a few bites and throw them away, uninterested.

Who wanted food when he didn't have Tony? When he didn't have Leo? He didn't deserve food. Everyone hated him. He should just stay at home, in the dark, where he wouldn't disappoint anyone anymore and the jarring, exhausting, overwhelming sounds and colors and demands of the world wouldn't make him feel worse. He was _so_ tired. He couldn't cope. He'd sleep some more and deal with everything later.

When he felt better.

-

He'd never feel better. He didn't have Tony. He didn't have Leo. He didn't deserve to feel better.

-

Sometimes it was light when he was awake. Sometimes it was dark. Sometimes people still made him jump by knocking on the door and he had to hide away from their noise and the bother and they were being so _mean_ , why couldn't they let him rest? Why did they do it when he wasn't anyone anymore, when he didn't matter anymore?

Nothing mattered anymore. He didn't have Tony. He didn't have Leo.

He'd deal with people… later.

When he felt better.

-

Gabriel had folded quickly when faced with the twin threats of copyright infringement and defamation of Tony's character (which included potential court-mandated access to all of Michael's emails and photographs). He and Michael headed back to America in a week and a huff, where they promptly announced a new cartoon, the religiously themed _Lessons with Ligur Lizard_ with a full range of merchandising.

Pepper had wanted to turn Ligur – and potentially Gabriel and Michael – into roadkill. Adam talked her out of it.

"If we give in to anger now, we've betrayed everything Leo stood for. We can't let it end like that. We need to fix Leo, Pepper, and I need your help to do it. I need help from all of you."

Adam, Pepper, Brian, and Wensleydale were gathered around the table at the house where Adam had grown up, poking somberly at the remains of the cake that had welcomed Arthur Young home on his triumphant final return from the hospital.

"Adam, I don't think we can."

"We've made a start," Wensleydale pointed out practically. "We've canceled all that tatty, cheap, tie-in junk."

"And the episodes they made will never be seen again," Brian said. "I've destroyed everything – voice recordings, artwork, tape – everything."

Adam stabbed his fork at his slice of cake moodily. "I don’t want to leave it there, and I know I can't ask you all to come back and start over. I just… " he stabbed harder in frustration, creating a mound of crumbs.

A low chuckle came from the doorway, making them all turn. "Never thought I'd see the day you children didn't inhale a cake in seconds!"

Arthur was there – thinner, greyer, leaning on a cane and the doorway, smiling gently. "Adam… you've been trying so hard to keep all the bad things away from me and your mother, and we appreciate it. But everybody loves Agnes' show; it's on all the TVs in the hospital. And the doctor's waiting rooms. And everywhere else."

He sat at the table, cutting himself another slice of the cake. "I don't know what happened to make Az quit. But I heard that speech, over and over. It's beautiful. Why not animate it as your final tribute?"

Adam stared at his father for a moment, then nodded. "Az really _was_ Leo." He turned to the others. "No script I write could have been more in character."

"I'll draw it," Pepper said decisively. "I don't need a full animation studio for anything that short. I can do it myself."

-

Fittingly, the childhood friends who had started Leo the Lion were the only ones to see him off. Newton was touring. Tony was still in America. Tracy and Shadwell had announced their respective retirements and their marriage a few days earlier and were off on a cottage-hunting honeymoon.

Az had been invited, but he hadn't answered his phone. Or his emails.

"Here goes," Adam said, finger hovering over a button on his laptop. "We started this on the internet and we'll end on the internet." He pressed _upload_.

"Goodbye, Leo."

-

There was little left in the flat to eat except stale boxes of Tony's favorite cereal, but Az didn't care. He didn't have Tony to be upset he'd eaten it. He didn't have Leo. He'd ruined everything. He'd thrown away the best things he ever had. He didn't deserve nice things. He should stay here, where he couldn't ruin anything anymore.

He'd get groceries later.

When he felt better.

-

Az did not feel better.

Nothing mattered. He didn't have Tony. He didn't have Leo.

-

The last of the milk smelled off. For a moment Az almost poured it on the cereal anyway. A flicker of competence made him pour it down the drain instead, his arms feeling like lead. He was so tired, too tired to cope, he just wanted some sleep, he just needed something to be easy, he just needed one thing, one single thing, to go right, he just needed someone to talk to him, to help take the burden of dealing with himself off of him, but of course there was no one. Nobody wanted him and the pressure of anyone else's expectations made him want to scream.

It didn't matter that there was nothing to put on the cereal. He wasn't hungry anyway. Az ate a few spoonfuls of dry cereal, then pushed the bowl away. He'd eat later.

When he felt better.

-

There was an annoying knocking sound that was keeping Az awake. Muffled voices too. Rude. Let him sleep. He'd finally feel better if he just slept enough. He'd have the energy to take care of himself then. In a distant, muffled part of his mind, Az realized he couldn't remember when he'd last bathed or done the laundry. Not that it mattered. He was a terrible person. He'd made Tony leave. He made Sandy leave. He left Leo and now Leo was gone and everyone hated him. He deserved to wallow in his own filth.

The knocking went on and on, so Az rolled over, putting Tony's pillow over his head. His stomach rumbled. When had the cereal run out? This morning? Sometime yesterday? He didn't feel hungry, despite the rumbling. Didn't matter anyway. He could live off his fat for months, Gabriel said so. Often.

He'd order delivery or something. 

Later, when he felt better.


	6. A Light in the Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Az lay so still that for a horrible moment Tony thought they were too late.

Tony hadn't told anyone what flight he was taking back to London. There was nobody to tell, not with Az beyond his reach and Leo over and done.

But there they were, just past customs; his Leo castmates – his Leo friends – waiting for him. Tracy, Shadwell, Newton – and the woman leading them must be Anathema. Newton had shown him a picture once; Tony only knew her as a voice over the phone.

That familiar voice spoke now. "Good, you're finally here. Have you spoken to Az recently?"

Tony's heart twisted, but he kept his tone as calm as possible. "No, we broke up ages ago. I'm not the creepy kind who keeps bothering exes."

"Liar." Anathema turned out to have a startling way of seeing right through your eyes to your soul. "You two have never stopped loving each other."

"Fine." Tony was not going to cry in front of them, he was _not_. "We certainly stopped talking to each other."

"He hasn't talked to anyone since his appearance on my mother's show. He hasn't even been seen."

"We've tried going to his door," Tracy added. "No answer. We're all ever so worried."

Newton, as usual, cut straight through to the practicalities. "Today we stop knocking and hoping. We're going in. Do you still have your key to the flat?"

"No." Tony looked away, swallowing hard. "Too much temptation to use it if I came back and was still in disgrace. Which, for all I know, I still am."

"Take it from your agent, you're not," Anathema told him. "Well, we'll have to find another way in."

"Not a problem," Shadwell muttered. "I can get yon door open."

-

They knocked for what seemed like ages. Az didn't come to the door.

"Time for you," Anathema said, standing back and waving Shadwell to the door.

Tony thought he would kick the door down. It wouldn't bother him if he did; Shadwell was stocky and strong and Tony was willing to pay for the damages if it got them to Az. However, Shadwell went down on his knees and pulled a set of lockpicks out of his pocket.

"Uncle!" Newton gasped in horror.

"Didn't want to tell ye, but remember those two years your mother told you I was in a touring company?" The lock _snicked_ open. "I was in jail for breaking and entering."

"Just like the breaking and entering we're doing this very minute?" Newton asked warily.

Anathema threw the door wide. "We're not going to be arrested," she said as firmly and factually as if she was telling them the sun rose in the East.

-

Az had finally lost his mind.

Tony had come to him and that wasn't possible. He didn't have Tony, no more than he had Leo, no more than he had friends. So many times in the last… whenever… he thought he'd heard Tony's voice from another room, but every time he went there, it was empty. Every time he thought he heard Tony's ringtone, the phone was off.

This hallucination was incredibly realistic. Az didn't just hear Tony's voice whispering "Hey, angel, angel, hey, look at me," he felt the bed dipping under his weight, smelled his scent and cologne. Wonderingly, afraid to rupture this beautiful dream, Az dared reach out and lightly stroke the side of imaginary Tony's face. It felt soft and warm; Az could even feel the beginnings of stubble.

But in the next second Tony proved he was a hallucination, because he stopped whispering endearments and started saying things that made no sense at all. "He's in here," dream!Tony said. "He's awake, sort of. I don’t think he's been eating."

Definitely a dream; now Az saw Tony but heard Tracy saying "There's not a speck of food in this flat," followed by an impression of – was that young Newton? – saying "Should we call 999?" Dream!Tony had gotten much better at voices than the real one.

The real one was somewhere in America. No matter what Az thought he saw and heard and felt, he didn't have Tony. He didn't have Tracy or Shadwell or Newton as friends. He'd finally lost the plot and Az welcomed it. He shut his eyes and waited for the weight on the bed to evaporate. Dream!Tony laid his hand gently against Az's cheek. Az put his hand over top. Maybe if he held on, this dream wouldn't end as quickly as the others.

Az couldn't bear waking up alone anymore.

-

 _Oh God, oh God ohGodohGodohGodohGod…_ Az looked terrible, curled up there in the bed, and he didn't smell very good either. Judging from the state of his beard and the limpness of his hair, he hadn't groomed himself for well over a week. He lay so still that for a horrible moment Tony thought they were too late, that Az had starved, but he climbed up on their stupidly large bed anyway whispering, "Hey, angel, angel, hey, look at me."

Az opened his eyes. His gaze was unfocused, but thank God, thank God, he was moving. He brushed the tips of his fingers over Tony's cheek then, apparently exhausted, closed his eyes again. Tony cupped his cheek and Az's hand slowly moved to cover his. Az was weak and shaking.

"There's not a speck of food in this flat," Tracy announced through the bedroom door.

Newton crowded behind her, looking worried. "Should we call 999?"

"The press will come," Shadwell said flatly. "It'll be all over the news. He'd hate that."

Anathema pushed through the little crowd. "He'll be okay if we take care of him." She contemplated the scene on the bed, wrinkling her nose at the body odor. "Do you think you can coax him into the shower?" she asked Tony.

"While he's up, I'll do something about that bedding," Shadwell offered. The rest of them stared at him. "What? I worked in the laundry those two years, didn't I?"

Tracy grabbed Newton's arm. "We'll go get food."

Tony looked at Anathema, concerned. "This really does need to go exactly the way it's planned."

She gave him a small smile. "It will."

-

Dream!Tony was starting to undress him. Ordinarily these were the best dreams of all, but this one was so particularly realistic that Az resisted. Somewhere, in the part of his brain that hadn't shut down in grief, depression, and hunger, he knew that he was disheveled and unwashed. He tried to jerk away.

"Don… wanna… sex… ri now," he managed to mutter.

That familiar laugh panted against his forehead, followed by a kiss. "Of course not, angel, I've been on a plane for 8 hours, I’m far too gross and disgusting. Come shower with me? Scrub my back?"

The dream didn't just jump ahead to them in the water, a tiny part of Az's brain noticed. Nor did he suddenly wake up cold and alone. That was good. He lay and watched through barely open eyes as dream!Tony stripped him down, then undressed himself. Az tried to help dream!Tony undress him, but he was so tired, every movement was so much effort… he would have curled up again, but dream!Tony was insistent.

Then, to remind Az that this was all just a fantasy, the shower turned on by its own while dream!Tony was still in the room with him.

-

Newton turned on the shower and left with Tracy. Tony worried that Az might be too weak to stand, but Az proved willing to do anything as long as he could silently gaze at Tony, occasionally touching him lightly, as if afraid to burst a bubble.

As soon as Az was standing upright, Shadwell snuck in and stripped the bed. What Anathema was doing Tony didn't know, but he could hear her moving around in the front room.

Tony carefully shaved him, then wrangled him into the shower and under the water. Oh God, there was _dust_ on the shampoo bottle!

-

Az closed his eyes against the spray and let dream!Tony take care of him. It was all a lie, but a beautiful one; one to be savored as long as possible before he inevitably woke up cold, filthy, and alone. He'd needed this so badly. He needed someone to take a burden off him.

He let dream!Tony do as he pleased with Az's body, pushing and posing him, eventually turning him to face the water and stepping behind him.

Instead of washing his back – or anything more exciting - though, dream!Tony's arms suddenly wrapped around Az, hugging so tightly that Az's ribs hurt a bit. Still, he did nothing. If he said or did anything, the dream would end and Az would be alone again.

There was a sharp, wrenching sound behind Az. Was that… a sob? Was dream!Tony… crying? Az wanted to comfort him, to reassure him, but feared waking himself up. So Az stood, confused, as warm water rolled down his front and warm tears rolled down his shoulder, a bony chest shuddering against his back.

-

At first Tony focused desperately on the job to be done. Clean up Az. Clean up self. Distract both of them long enough for Tracy to come back with dinner and then feed Az while Shadwell finished cleaning and replacing the sheets.

But the feeling of Az in his hands again, warm and alive, so badly missed and so badly off, was breaking Tony. How had he walked away from this beautiful man? How could he look ever himself in the mirror again knowing that it was his fault Az ended up like this?

It was too much. Tony gathered up the placid, dreamy Az into a bear hug and broke down.

When he could control himself again, he promised "Won't leave you again," with a kiss to the back of Az's wet neck.

Az sighed happily. "This is a good dream. Don't let me wake up soon."

Concerned, Tony turned him to face him. "Az. Angel! You're not dreaming!"

Az smiled, the dimmest echo of that familiar joyful beaming, stroking Tony's cheek while he broke Tony's heart. "Hush, dream. Tony hates me. He didn't want me to… to…" Az frowned. "I can't remember. Oh! Oh yes. I gave Tony away. I gave Tony away and he told me not to give Leo away but I gave Leo away too and now everyone in the world hates me."

He said it with the same cheerful frankness that Leo the Lion had used to reassure hundreds of worried cartoon friends.

Az patted the frozen, horrified Tony on the cheek. "It's all right. When I wake up I'm going to take a shower for real. Later. When I'm feeling better."

_Oh God! Oh God, oh God…_

-

Apparently there were limits to Az's fantasies; the shared shower did not turn into shower sex. Apparently pretending a dream Tony could possibly still want him like that was a step too far.

Still, finally feeling clean made him feel surprisingly better. It even gave him a brief burst of energy. What a pity the nature of the dream was revealed again when clean dressing gowns for both of them had somehow magically appeared just outside the bathroom.

Az put his - or someone's - on. It looked like his, but in the shifting wonderland of dreams it had morphed into something far too large for him.

The scent of something lovely was wafting in from another room. As Az tried to place it, his stomach gave a gigantic rumble.

"This is the best dream!" he cheerfully announced to the now quiet and haunted dream!Tony "What delicacies are going to appear? Lark's tongue? Fried dormice? Lobster and filet mignon?"

Dream!Tony just stared back at him, somberly. That's how Az knew it wasn't really his love. The real Tony smiled. Real Tony liked to play pranks. Real Tony had a pretty strong sex drive. Tony wasn't a silent, sad wraith wiping tears off his face.

Still, best not to complain. This was the best Az had felt since… well, since before. Before he'd ruined everything. Before Tony went away. Before it all went wrong.

Az wandered through the flat to the dining room. There were other dreams flitting around too, fantasies that looked like his friends. Except he didn't have friends. Everyone he was imagining hated him in the real world, so Az nodded but didn't talk to them. He couldn't bear it if this comforting dream turned into the nightmare of them all telling him what they really thought.

-

Tracy had brought back a plain roasted chicken and was taking white rice out of the microwave and putting butter on it when Tony followed Az into the kitchen. On the counter he could see white bread, potatoes, and bananas; good foods to stay in the stomach of someone who hadn't been eating.

"There are hard boiled eggs, chicken broth, and milk in the refrigerator; tea and coffee in the larder," she whispered as she brushed past Tony, leaving behind two plates heaped with rice and chicken. Az had ignored her and she, noticing his dull, vacant look, ignored him in return. "I'll help Shadwell finish changing the sheets while you two eat." She turned back to pat the desolate Tony consolingly on the arm. "I've seen worse, dear. Let him neck a couple of proper meals and some real rest and he should be fine."

-

"Eat a little bit, angel. Just a bite. For me?" Tony urged as Az stared blankly at his plate as if he didn't know what food was anymore. For a horrible moment he thought Az might refuse, but then his stomach rumbled loudly.

Tony, who was too jetlagged to do more than stir chicken into rice into circles, kept up a desperate flow of trivia: what he'd seen in the States, nights where things went wrong in the play. 

At first Az's responses continued remote and dreamy, but after a few forkfuls his starving body took over and started shoveling food as fast as possible. The more he ate, the more his responses tracked with what Tony was saying, as if he was beginning to listen and understand.

As if he was coming back to reality.

Az was almost through with the heaped plate Tracy had left for him when he looked up, stricken, and dropped his fork. "I'm not dreaming," he said flatly, his eyes sharp, his voice intelligent and alert.

Az had woken up!

Tony's heart stopped, then hammered double time. He wanted to shout, to dance around the flat, but he held himself to a careful, "No, you're not, Az. Welcome back, angel."

Az cringed away, wringing his hands. "What must you think of me? What must _all_ you think of me? That was really Tracy in the kitchen, wasn't it, I was so rude to her…"

"We all think we've been very worried," Tony said, trying to put Az's fork back into his hand.

Az took it, but he only used it to push the last of his food around, staring at the plate instead of meeting Tony's eyes. "I didn't do what you wanted. I didn't save Leo."

"Fuck Leo!"

Az's head snapped up and Tony's heart leaped in joy to see a faint echo of his old wicked sparkle. "I believe there is rather a lot of fanfiction with that theme, dear boy."

"Tracy probably reads it."

The wicked sparkle was _definitely_ coming back. "Tracy probably writes it."

-

One shower and one meal didn't fix everything, of course. Az wasn't a young man anymore; his body was going to take several days to recover physically.

Emotionally was going to take longer.

Tony and Az had been chatting about nothing, shouting to each other from different rooms as Tony unpacked his bags and Az poked around the kitchen. Suddenly Az went silent.

Tony came out to find him contemplating his mobile phone, which was sitting on top of a pile of papers on a side table.

"Have you turned it back on?" Tony asked, wandering over.

Az looked up with haunted eyes. "There's going to be too much!" He started wringing his hands. "I don't know if I can bear it."

"A lot of it is people wishing you well, angel."

"Even that’s too much work! So many people to be in debt to, so much effort to talk to them. I don't… I don't have the strength to deal with that right now." He sighed. "It's been so peaceful, hiding away."

"Can't do it forever," Tony said, coming to sit next to him and pull him over into a one-armed hug. "I'll help, you know I'll help. You're not alone anymore. What are these?" He picked up the papers. "This looks like Anathema's agency contract. I signed one before I went Stateside."

Tony put the contract down, sudden realization making his blood run cold. "Angel… why didn't Sandalphon handle some of the burden for you? That's what you pay him for. Why hasn't he been dealing with your messages? Why didn't he check on you? Angel - _how could he let you get into that condition?_ " Tony was having nightmares about being too late to rescue Az. The one last night had been particularly realistic.

He felt Az's cringe. "Sandy fired me the minute I quit Leo."

"Tosser."

Az put his head on Tony's shoulder and sighed. "Yes."

Tony kissed his hair. "Sign Anathema's contract. Newt's right about her, she's uncanny. She sorted my problems out; she can help you."

Az lifted his head. "On one condition."

"Name it."

"Never leave me again."

"I promise."

-

Later, when Az really was feeling better, Tony made that promise again. He took Az's hand in front of many of their friends and swore to stay with him for the rest of his life, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.

-

At first Anathema tried to get them work they could do together, but Tony flatly refused, paranoid that he'd ruin Az's career again. Az, Newton, and Anathema all pointed out that it was Gabriel and Michael who had tried to ruin both of them, but Tony was adamant. He would not run the risk of jinxing Az.

It took her a little extra work, but she found them both plays to appear in. Unfortunately, just as the final details were being worked out, the UK and the world suddenly went into lockdown.


	7. Paradise Regained

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Don't be foolish dear boy!"

Abandoned, Az had started to starve. Locked into quarantine with his husband, Az started to stress cook. It was fun for a while, but Tony wasn't _that_ fond of sourdough, so he was soon casting about for ideas for both of them to work off their nervous energy.

He found his big idea abandoned on a side table. " _The House at Pooh Corner_? A bit young for you, Az."

Az came out of the kitchen wiping flour off his hands. "That? That's a little comfort reading. Winnie the Pooh and I are old friends."

Tony froze, staring at Az, book in hand, until Az became nervous. "Is something wrong? I can put it back…"

"Comfort reading. Az, that's _it!_ That's what we can do!"

"It's what I am doing, dear boy," Az replied, confused.

"Not just reading to yourself! Don't you see? You can read to the children."

"What children? Tony, we can't go visit hospitals right now. Nobody can."

"No, no, on the internet! You read these stories. I film you. We start a, a, I dunno, a YouTube channel or put them on Twitter or something. Something safe for the children. Something comforting."

Az continued wiping flour, head cocked to one side, thinking. "I have missed doing things for children," he admitted finally. "Well, I've missed Leo, and that's the same thing."

-

 _Fireside Stories For Friends_ was a hit from the first upload. Any faint hope that Az may have put Leo behind him was gone almost immediately; within a few hours of the premiere episode the hashtags "listening2Leo" and "Leo_reads" were trending worldwide, Leo's old viewership finding themselves desperate for that calm, reassuring voice. The next morning the newspapers picked up the story (and ticked up the view count) with headlines like "Lion at Pooh Corner" and "The Lion Reads Tonight," often not bothering to print the actual show name until the fifth paragraph.

Newt set up a dedicated website. Anathema sent them a better camera and basic lighting gear and Az read on. He read _Winnie the Pooh_ , and the _House at Pooh Corner_ , followed by _A Little Princess_.

And then, just before he was due to start _Anne of Green Gables_ , a short video popped up on the Fireside Friends website and social media.

"I am thankful that so many of my friends out there have enjoyed my stories." Az told the camera. "And I am humbled and grateful for all of the letters you have sent me." (It was actually email to the Fireside Friends website, which meant it was really going to Anathema, but no need to go into that level of detail on camera.) "Many of you have asked me if I meant what I once said, that all my little friends would still be my friends when they grew up. The answer is, of course! I remember you as fondly as you remember me and you deserve a spot at my fireside too. So tonight after tea time I'll start a second storytime just for you. I'd like to introduce you all to an old friend of mine. His name is Jeeves and I hope you'll like him as much as I do."

-

Tony took his duties as Az's one-man tech team seriously. He researched website management, video editing, coding. He also started reading the friends(at)fireside emails, instead of Anathema, which meant he noticed the new trend.

"This isn't a book request, this is a help request," he said, passing his ipad over to Az.

"'Dear Mr. Friend, I want to help mum around the house. She's afraid I'll make more work for her because I am only eight. What can I do to help? I'm not supposed to know, but she cries a lot when I'm supposed to be in bed.' – Oh, Tony, we can't just ignore this! That poor child! That poor woman!"

"Eight, eight…" Tony was pondering, tapping on the table. "Capable of washing up, but it won't help Mum any if she's worried about broken dishes."

"Laundry? Nothing particularly breakable there. I can do a simple how-to about that – and stress the importance of sorting and reading labels!" Az looked at Tony. "We're not leaving mum out. Can you research what helplines are still available in quarantine?"

"Yeah." Tony scrolled through. "Here's another one, sort of. 'Dear Mr. Fell, I grew up listening to your voice. I'm so glad you started recording things again. It makes me feel so much less alone in all of this. I have an odd request, but I hope you'll understand. You had delicious-looking biscuits on a plate beside you when you were reading that Lord Peter Wimsey story, the one about the crosswords. Is it too much to ask for the recipe?"

Az was scribbling notes. "Okay, basic life skills, a little bit of cooking – why not? It may be helpful and a third video series will keep us busy."

"What are we going to do if someone asks us for help we can't give?"

"We'll ask our friends." Az was obviously warming to the idea even while he sounded it out. "We'll read it out on air, take answers via the website, do a little research, and read the best answers. I'll bet Anathema can get Newton to help with that. The two of them have to be as stir-crazy as we are and he loves learning things."

"Life Advice With Leo?" Tony joked.

"Friends Helping Friends," Az replied firmly.

-

Running the three shows under the Fireside Friends umbrella was turning into a full-time job for several people, but even with those sponsors Az and Tony (and Anathema) approved of, the tiny video company wasn't bringing in enough money for them to live on. Tony researched Patreon and set one up, but Az insisted that it not have expensive tiers because times were so tight. Eventually they decided on two tiers: for a pound a month it offered a chance to suggest recipes or vote on the next book to be read. For 10 pounds a month you could see blooper videos.

Unfortunately for Tony, Az didn't often mess up his lines. Unfortunately for Az, Tony was determined to ensure constant quality content for the blooper Patreons… no matter what he had to do to get it.

Before they wrung each other's necks, Anathema suggested a livestream. The first one was to be free, but they could use it to judge interest in pay shows or alternate Patreon levels.

-

Tony had the camera on a tripod, his ipad propped up next to him to monitor the feed and read the comments, and the scribbled checklist that served as their vague script. He held up fingers to Az – five, four, three…

"Hello to all my friends who are watching!" Az was surprised at how anxious being live on air was making him, but he hid it. "Today I'm going to be teaching you how to make chocolate almond bark. You only need a few ingredients, and once you know the basic recipe, you can change it up any way you like. Perhaps you would like to send me photos of your favorite creations later. I would love to hear all of your ideas. All right, first you need a bag of chocolate chips, which you will melt in the microwave."

Az opened the bag of chocolate chips – which ripped too far too fast, sending chocolate bits skittering across the work surface. He blinked in sudden panic.

"Keep going," Tony muttered to him.

"Ah," Az said dutifully, looking ruefully at the mess. "You see? Everyone has little accidents. When it happens to you, what you need to do is take a deep breath, two if you have to," – he demonstrated with two exaggerated rises of his chest – "then calmly clean up the mess. Accidents happen to everyone, even adults, as you've just seen."

While Az gently swept the chips on the counter into a cupped hand and checked the floor, Tony checked the scrolling comments.

"Ngk."

Az knew Tony's anxieties as well as he knew his own; he looked up questioningly. Tony waved his fingers just off camera in what he hoped meant "keep going, it's nothing."

Az narrowed his eyes. "If all of my friends watching will excuse me for a moment, I think I need to talk to my camera man."

Tony waved a silent _no no no_ frantically, drew a thumb across his throat for _cut_ , but Az only got a slightly steelier look – and, when he got close enough, snatched the iPad and backed into camera range before Tony could grab it back.

The comments were coming almost too fast to read.

_OMG, That sounded like Tony!_

_Tony's back! Tony's back!_

_Did I just hear Simon the Snake?_

_That was definitely Simon._

_His real name's Tony Crowley._

_Is this part of some perfect plan? Please let it be some perfect plan. Please, please, please, we need a perfect plan._

_That explains 2020. It didn't go as Simon planned._

_Tony! Tony, we missed you, why are you behind the camera?_

_How much on Patreon so we can hear Tony again?'_

_SIMON! Come back Simon, all is forgiven!_

The comments scrolled faster and faster, two names standing out from the chaos.

_TONY! TONY! TONY TONY SIMON SIMON TONYSIMONTONYSIMONTONY_

Az looked past the camera. "It seems our friends have missed you very much." There was the slightest emphasis on "our."

"Nuh," Tony squeaked, backing away quickly, waving his hands.

Az knew how much Tony blamed himself for what had happened to Az and to Leo. Az was also a bit of a bastard who'd been very frustrated by Tony's refusal to work with him again. "Now, now. Give the audience what it wants, every actor knows that."

"But…" Tony whispered.

"Do you really think I’m not proud to share the screen with you? Don't be _foolish_ , dear boy!"

The only viewers not deliriously keysmashing their jubilation over the beloved line were the ones screaming and punching the air.

The feed flickered and froze, close to overload; only a few people saw Az focus back on the camera. But while the video was stuttering, the audio was clear: "Our dear friends, would you like the chocolate melting demonstration to be given by _my husband_ Tony?"

The whole website crashed.

-

Those fans who left the feed running, or who kept refreshing their screens, were rewarded roughly half an hour later when Fireside Friends – including live feed - flickered back into life.

The still-running camera had been obviously abandoned, pointing slightly to the left of the action. Still, the few remaining viewers could see a tidy row of chocolate balls drying on a tray on the counter top. The unopened bag of almonds had been pushed to one side; a now mostly empty bottle of rum in its place. Tony was wiping down the counter with the brisk, fretful motions of a stress cleaner.

He could only use one hand, though. His left one was pinned down by Az, who was rubbing his thumb across the back of Tony's hand.

"-ssed it up, just like I told you I would," Tony was muttering. "I _told_ you! I’ll just ruin everything you work on!"

"Nonsense! They've missed you, Tony. Why wouldn't they? Simon was always more popular than Leo."

"Hrk. What are you going to do with the last of the melted chocolate?" Tony asked, avoiding Az's eyes and the subject. "Thought you'd be eating it with a spoon by now."

"Oh, I’m going to eat it. Just not with a spoon."

"Wha- HGNN!"

Tony stared with wide eyes as Az lifted his hand, gently turning his wrist upwards, slowly tilting the chocolate bowl downwards.

This crash kept the website down until morning.

-

At first, Tony started his own separate reading video series, covering picture books and young adult novels, using a prop as his video friend. Adam had assured him he was free to use his old snake puppet from the hospital visits, but Tony didn't feel comfortable with it anymore.

With snakes, lions – and due to unspoken consensus frogs or toads – ruled out, Tony's new onscreen animal sidekick was a remote-control parrot, handled by Az just off camera. The two men drew on their stage experience to work out a wealth of subtle cues to tell Az how to make the parrot behave… but if there was a little subtle revenge for what Tony had done to set up the Patreon blooper tier, at least now there was a wealth of material to post to it.

Still fan pressure, aided and abetted by Az, was on for them to work together to the point that Tony finally agreed.

-

"I bet I know what you're thinking," Tony mused as he and Az planned a dramatic reading of _James Herriott's Dog Stories_.

"I’m thinking that if this removable highlighter tape removes the print from this book, I'm going to slam back every bit of wine in this flat before crying for a week," Az said distractedly as he gave his copy the usual script treatment with tape and sticky notes.

"I'm thinking how much it's like being back on Leo. In the beginning. When it was just the two us doing everything."

Az looked up. "It is like that, isn't it?" He put his book down and reached for Tony. "Which means it's also like falling in love all over again."

-

They did everything they could to lighten the lockdown for their viewers, their friends. They did dramatic readings. They performed two-man plays. They had chats with Leo alumni. For what should have been the panto season there was a wildly popular series where Tony appeared as increasingly outrageous versions of Widow Twanky to "correct" the fairy tales that Az was trying to read with "what _really_ happened."

They also did demonstrations.

Sometimes it was just a bit of fun, like the time they filmed themselves following badly along with a YouTube watercolor class, laughing at each other all the way, reassuring everyone that you don't have to be perfect to enjoy something. That sometimes you don't even have to be good, as long as you enjoy it.

Other demos were more useful. Tony demonstrated basic hand sewing – fixing tears, mending seams, making simple face masks. Az showed how to pull a pasta dinner together using a single pot and ingredients out of the larder, and another on “leftover omelette surprise.” They even cautiously tried a rerun of the now-infamous candymaking class, with Az using half the melted chocolate to make almond bark for the children and Tony using the other half to show adults how to make rum balls.

And throughout it all, they answered letters.

"Oh here's one for me!" Az said as he flicked through the email on camera. "Dear Mr. Az, when you taught us how to do laundry, you said it was very important to make sure you wouldn't shrink anything." Az suddenly flushed beet red, but he managed to strangle out "Is that because you shrunk all of Mr. Tony's trousers?" He cleared his throat, struggling hard to finish "signed, Clarissa, age nine."

"Yes," Tony said, grinning serenely. "That's exactly what happened."

The glint in Az's eye should have warned him that retribution was to follow. But Az was mild as milk when he pointed to another email on the ipad a few letters later. "One for you, dear boy."

"Dear Mr. Tony, do you need help getting all that tight clothing on and off? Wha-? That's a bit… Signed, Ana- HEY!"

But it was too late, he'd already read it on the live feed and Az was smiling, innocent as an angel. "Oh, I have to help him out of those tight trousers. Every night."

Tony glared at Az, who beamed back. "Right. Next letter…"

-

It taught them to screen their letters first, which lead to a fateful argument.

"We can't read this on air."

"Whyever not? Tony, we can't not answer!"

"Az, we have to answer privately. This kid is gay. He's asking for help in coming out to people who don't want to hear it. Look at what happened when I was outed. Do you want the tabloids to scream that Leo and Simon are-"

"Living the dream together? Re-enacting fanfiction?"

"Be serious! You've never gone public about our relationship."

"Except for the time I called you my husband and our whole website crashed."

"That wasn’t recorded," Tony insisted. 

"I wouldn't be so sure about that; some of our fans are more savvy than we are. Besides, I think everyone has figured it out already, dear boy." Az stopped joking when he saw Tony starting to shake. 

"I… I can't risk… Az, you almost died! You had a complete breakdown and I was exiled!"

Az gathered Tony up in a fierce hug. After a moment, he whispered even more fiercely, "We survived. We survived and we are together. We only did that because we have friends." He grabbed Tony's shoulders, staring into his eyes. "We can _not_ leave this poor child alone and friendless. But we can _not_ answer privately. How many others have been too afraid to write in? How many of them feel all alone?"

"What about the backlash?"

"Tony, what are you so afraid of? It's not as though Gabriel is going to break in here and drag you out during lockdown!"

"It… it kind of feels like he might."

Az squeezed his husband reassuringly. "It's past time to prove to you that wanker is well and truly out of our lives forever."

-

The letters section of the show tended to come towards the end of the episode and was usually rowdy, full of giggles and – if Tony or Az thought they'd get away with it – mild innuendo.

But this episode started with two very solemn men sitting side by side on the sofa.

"This quarantine has been very hard on everyone," Az started.

"Some people more than others because they don't feel safe at home," Tony continued.

"We've been there." Az took Tony's hand, interlacing their fingers. "There was a time, not that long ago, when someone tried to punish Tony for loving me."

"That person didn't think two men should be in love. So they said terrible lies about me and people like me."

Az visibly squeezed Tony's hand. "But tearing us apart didn't make us stop loving each other. It just hurt us very badly."

"We got through with proper support and help from our friends."

"If you need support, if you need a friend, these places can help. If you need someone to talk to, call. If you aren't safe where you are, these shelters are open, they are doing their best to keep the virus out, and they will give you a place to live. All of the names, addresses, phone numbers, and emails we're about to give you are in our show notes. Starting in the south, there's…"

It was a long list. At the end, Tony and Az looked at each other and nodded, once.

"Just know that you are not alone, my dear friends," Az said gently. "You need to be safe."

"You are not doing anything wrong. You are not _being_ anything wrong."

"Never, never, never be afraid to love who you love."

For the first time ever on camera, Az and Tony kissed.

-

There was a little bit of backlash. It was thoroughly drowned out by the support they received.

The next time Az and Tony appeared on camera, they were wearing their wedding rings.

-

Live action is harder to overdub than animation. That didn't stop former _Leo the Lion_ voice actors from around the world from writing to Az, Tony, and Anathema for permission to run derivative web shows with the appropriate cultural changes.

That, too, was resolved on air.

"If any of our friends from before… " Az announced, "want to help us carry on our mission to spread help, hope, and kindness in these times, please – do so. But we would like it if you would share your video with us."

"Please," Tony added. "We would love to share your cultures and ideas with our viewers."

Only a handful of videos came in at first. Japanese Leo demonstrated how to fold an origami crane. Saudi Chandra showed how to twist a headscarf into a face mask.

But the trickle became a flood when fans around the world started sending in their videos as well. Crafting videos became particular favorites; Az used a Welsh fan video to learn how to knit and started a scarf club among the viewing friends – "You can knit along while we read to you. Won't that be soothing? Do send us photos of your scarves to post."

Tony was even more ambitious; an American viewer taught him paper piecing and he embarked on a patchwork lap quilt using his and Az's old shirts and junk mailers cut to size.

-

For one last time, imagine. Imagine the seasons turning. Imagine a scarf, slightly lumpy, being gently wrapped around a lover's neck. Imagine a small quilt, equally imperfect, spread across two laps.

Imagine a treatment. A vaccine. Imagine the grim numbers falling, falling, falling, until the world finally feels truly safe again. Imagine people emerging to rebuild and resume their lives. All things shall pass, including pandemics.

Imagine two actors sitting side by side on a sofa, unsure of their future, dialing into a zoom call.

-

Tony set their view to "grid" to see everyone. He and Az were in one corner. Anathema and Newton, their arms around each other, were in another. The others though – why had Adam Young and his parents Arthur and Deirdre dialed in? And was that… yes, it was Pepper. Why was she there?

Anathema started the discussion briskly. "Your lockdown show has been incredibly popular."

"That's because there's nothing else to watch," Az said, sighing. "They'll be off to the movies again now and forget about us."

"Not according to the mail I've been getting," Anathema told him. "People are begging me to keep you two on the air."

"No can do," Tony said. "We need proper work, just like everybody else. Our savings are about to run out, but the bills aren't."

"This is why I'm offering proper work," Anathema told him. "A real show, with real wages, in a real studio, doing what you've been doing all along – readings, interviews, demonstrations."

Deirdre broke in. "I don't think you've grasped how perfect a family show you've created. It's not too racy for children, it's not too patronizing for adults. It's happy and hopeful and helpful all at once."

"And it teaches useful skills," added Newton, who had had to watch the laundry section three times to understand why the clothes washer hated him.

"It's girl and woman-friendly," said Pepper, who had occasionally sent them suggestions – orders, really – for books to read and people to interview. "I'm as comfortable letting my daughters watch you as I would have been to have them watch Leo. Don't think I haven't kept score! You've treated girls' books as seriously – and as often - as boys' books. You've interviewed women in all sorts of fields without making a big creepy deal over their gender. That's what we need more of."

"You gave me support when I needed it," Adam told them. "Now I'm in a position to put your lives back just the way you had them. That's why I'm going – " he looked to where his parents and Pepper were placed on his screen, " _we're_ going to fund a full season of your show."

-

The response to the first episode left Leo in the dust.

-

Every episode started the same way.

The music was recorded; their actions were live. As the piano started to play, Az walked into frame and sat down at his chair gingerly. His hips at 75 weren't what they had been in his 40s.

"Everyone is different, and that's okay," he sang lightly, picking a bow tie to put on out of the hundreds that viewers had given to him over the years.

An electric guitar came in as the camera shifted to Tony at his dressing table. His posture was straighter after the back surgery, yet he still managed to sit like an abandoned rag doll.

"Everyone is different, in their own way…" he sang, as the camera focused on him putting the last layer of nail varnish on his pinkie. His fingers alternated red and black this episode, their wedding colors. (It was their anniversary today. The rest of the cast and crew had chipped in to buy them dinner at the Ritz after filming as a thank-you. Everyone said working on the show was like working in paradise.)

The song went on, tracking them making final preparations as they walked from their stage dressing areas to a living room set.

"…and we're so glad to welcome you our friends again," Az and Tony finished together, settling down beside each other on the couch. The shelves lining the three walls of the set behind them were filled with a cheerful clutter of books and objects.

"Today," Az said to the camera, "I will show you how to make a simple traybake supper."

"And I will do a review of that new water-permeable nail varnish."

"We're going to talk with our friend Ms. Jemison about her new book and dramatize a scene from it."

"Finally, we will check in with our young athletes, the ones that thanks to the generosity of all of you, our friends, we are sponsoring to the next Olympics."

-

The show always started the same way and it always ended the same way.

“It’s always a pleasure to spend time with you,” Az told the camera.

“See you again the next time you drop in,” Crowley added.

They walked off, hand in hand, as the camera closed in and in and in on the background bookshelves, finally filling the viewer's screens with a photo of two much younger men, dancing forever in a frame with the silver label "Our Wedding Reception." To the left of the frame sat a remote control parrot.

But those in the know looked at what sat just to the right of the photograph, the single touch on the set that everyone from Az to Arthur had unanimously insisted upon: a little stuffed lion twined around with a tiny snake.

_Once upon a time, the voice of the lion and the voice of the snake fell very much in love._

_And they lived happily ever after._


End file.
